Dear counsellor, My parents are getting a divorce soon, and thinking about it takes away my focus from my school work. How do I ensure this family issue doesn’t affect my studies? Yours, Kellen -- Dear Kellen, Divorce is a messy process, and it impacts everyone, especially the kids. A divorce can pass long-term psychological, social and physical problems to the lives of children who experience parental alienation. Such crisis can potentially impinge on the children’s’ levels of concentration and retention in class. For many people, their parents’ divorce marks a turning point in their lives for they begin to experience mixed emotions of anger, frustration or misery. I know you may feel abandoned, afraid or sometimes feel guilty about what happened. These feelings are very typical and discussing them with a friend, family member, or trusted adult can really help. If you feel you can do something to prevent them from divorcing then do it, talk to them about their marriage vows. Find a respectful way to remind them that they promised “for better or for worse” and their current situation is the “for worse” side of the vow and that they have what it takes to rekindle their relationship and fortify their vows. If your efforts turn up futile, it is possible to cope with this situation and focus on your educational goals. Just be aware that while you are certainly an important part of their life, family, and relationship, they have to make a decision that is ultimately between the two of them. You might want to instead spend some time strengthening your own relationship with each of them individually and collectively, so that regardless of what happens in the future, you’ve safeguarded yourself to your parents. Usually divorce happens when couples feel they can no longer live together due to enormous reasons ranging from anger, cheating, domestic abuse, and alcoholism. Sometimes nothing bad happens, but parents just decide to live apart. Separation and divorce are a result of a couple’s problems with each other, not with their kids. Don’t allow this situation to interfere with your studies. As long as your parents gave birth to you, they determine their own destiny; you decide your own future. This may have a number of consequences to your academic performance if you give it room to interfere with your career goals. Discuss the matter with your study mentor and trusted teacher to see how they can help you cope with your situation at school. You will be more resilient and live a cheerful life despite the challenges that your parents’ divorce may present to you.
