Keeping an awful secret

I hate secrets. And it’s not because I have problems with confidentiality. Even if I did, I’m terrible at telling stories. I’m always forgetting and thus leaving out juicy details. My memory is scanty that way. It frustrates listeners. I’ve been told that my memory loss has more to do with being self-absorbed than having not eaten enough fish as a child. But who cares? Either way it’s a blessing in disguise. The less you remember, the happier you are. I think. Anyway, the reason why I hate secrets is because, well, what could possibly be good about a secret? I always associate them with destruction, hypocrisy and hate. And today, I added one more aspect; heartbreak. I just found out that my friend Lillian’s boyfriend Sam is planning to get married and she is not going to be the blushing bride. His reason? He is done ‘having fun’ and he now wants to settle down. For reasons Sam says he can’t explain (because apparently you can’t explain feelings), Lillian doesn’t fit the bill. I have implored my brain to forget this secret but all in vain. It’s keeping me awake at night. This is mostly because I don’t know what’s better; telling her or staying silent. I mean if I was in a directionless relationship and my coward of a boyfriend was keeping me in the dark, I would want someone to tell me. In fact, I would feel betrayed if my friend found out and said nothing. But then recently, we were in a group argument about whether or not to tell a friend if you find out that her boyfriend/spouse is cheating. And Lillian said she wouldn’t want to know. That in fact, she would ‘kill’ the messenger. But I can’t stay around her and then keep this awful secret. I believe in the saying: to be silent in the face of injustice is to side with the unjust. But if I open my mouth to relay this dreadful piece of information to her, how will I phrase it? How do you tell the girl who has spent the last two years exhibiting a guy to her kith and kin, playing ‘wife’ on a regular basis that she is going to get ditched? There is certainly no gentle way to put it. Besides, the guy is still busy posting those unoriginal and outdated selfies of the two of them kissing and making heart shapes with their hands. So she definitely won’t believe me. If I tell her she will go and ask him and he will deny and she will start gossiping about me. Saying that I want her to be single like me. And yes, I do want her to be single but only because it is the best thing for her right now. But I know she won’t buy into it. So I won’t tell her and neither will I stay around and watch her get betrayed. So I am breaking up with her. I will start a pointless argument and then stay too angry to reconcile. I will only come back when it’s time to console her and tell her that singlehood is not as bad as advertised.

Lifestyle

Keeping an awful secret