WOMAN 2 WOMAN: How to be a good mum

“I stopped beating my children after realising that I was about to cause permanent damage on their bodies. But my children are so stubborn that sometimes I feel they have a mental problem,” confesses Maureen, 32, a mother of three. That Maureen is hitting her children is not news; within the African setting beating a children is often seen as a form of disciplinary action. Many well-intentioned mums (and dads) are still using outdated parenting tools that simply do not work. As a result, these parents experience frustration, on a daily basis. Many commonly used forms of discipline actually lead to more misbehavior and only teach children to not get caught next time! A simple example is when parents try to stop their children from watching a lot of television and decide to disconnect the TV and even at times put it under lock. But anybody who has ever been refused to watch television as a child will agree that it was practically impossible to stop them since parents spend most of their time at work. Good parenting is about bringing out the very best in your children using techniques that teach them respect, responsibility and compassion. Children flourish when they are raised in a home with happy, balanced parents. The best way to give more to your children is by giving more to yourself: by doing this, you can become a valuable role model for them as a healthy and happy adult. Giving more to you also means you will be able to give more to your family. Like the adage goes you cannot give what you do not have. It is important that as a mother you cherish your children. Once the children feel cherished they become comfortable in their skin and this boosts their self-esteem something that is key to their success in future. Hug your children, tell them often that you love them and show them how grateful you are to have the opportunity to be their parent. Teach your children how and what to do but don’t do it for them. Many mums (and dads) do everything for their kids. This only robs their children of the opportunity to learn self-reliance—a vital key to their self-esteem. One of the best things you can do is to help your kids learn how to do for themselves. Teach them how to do household chores like washing dishes, cleaning the house, washing clothes and your children will learn basic skills of life. When your house helper goes away, you children could be handy. Encourage your children to do good always and recognise their efforts. If children are not appreciated or getting attention for what they do well and when they behave well, they will never have values. The more you notice what you like about what they are doing, the more you will inspire your child to repeat their good behaviors and achievements. Respect your children and they will in turn learn to respect others. Contact: ubernie@gmail.com