DEBATE: Should children attend weddings?

A wedding party without children is incomplete If I got married today, would I send out invites discouraging parents from coming to the wedding ceremony with their children? I guess not. Don’t get me wrong, I am no saint and as much as I love children, I am not shy to say that kids can sometimes be really irritating. So why do I disagree with the new trend where the bride and groom invite parents but indicate that children are not welcome? First of all, besides being selfish, it is completely inconsiderate. If you have a child, you can relate when I say that nothing can ever be a one hundred percent airtight plan. I could plan out everything perfectly well and brief my child’s nanny on what to do while I am away attending your wedding, but plans are plans and they sure do have a way of backfiring. What am I supposed to do if my nanny unexpectedly falls sick or quits her job? Do I give up attending your wedding and stay at home babysitting my child yet all I can do is throw my daughter in a cute dress and come for your ceremony? Most people hate the idea of having children running around at weddings, crying during the ceremony, and generally taking the attention away from the two people who are getting married that day but what they forget is that children bring endless playfulness, laughter and most times surprise to a ceremony. The invite should actually not say ‘children not invited’, instead, it probably should say that ‘parents who cannot control their children should not bring them’. I don’t think kids should be banned from weddings; their parents or guardians should be willing to step up and take responsibility for them to stop them ruining the bride and groom’s big day. Personally, my day won’t be right without being able to dance with my goddaughter and my nieces and nephews. I am an African and a party is not a party till your entire family, clan and their families and clans are present. From what I have seen, it’s never the children that cause the problems at weddings but drunk guests, a scorned ex, or a disgruntled mother in law who cause trouble, not the kids. What is a wedding without our offspring’s laughter and tears? editorial@newtimes.co.rw No kids. It’s too much work I recently read about a couple who failed to attend their close friend’s wedding day, not because they were sick, not because they had to work, but because - wait for it - the invitation said ‘strictly no kids allowed’. Some may find this odd, others may even assume that the bride and groom hate kids, but let us look at some of the reasons one may want to keep their special day an adult affair. Weddings are like reunions, so you might get preoccupied with ‘catching up’ and not realise that your toddler wandered off to play with the pretty lights and linens at the bride’s table. He/she probably scampered off to the cake area to pinch some icing. And you know how kids love cake! A toddler won’t understand that there is a specific time to cut the cake and that they just have to wait. They will throw the tantrum of the century, and leave guests cursing on the sly. Also, managers, bartenders or ushers are not there to babysit, if they have to control guests’ kids, then they can’t do their jobs. Kids are chaotic. Cute as they are, nothing stays the way it should be with them around. They will pull the linen off the tables, break things, destroy the beautiful bouquets around and leave them in shreds, in short, the venue and the beautiful décor that a wedding planner spent so much time and energy putting together will look like it was hit by a tornado. And what if the venue has a damage fee charged to the bride and groom? It’s only fair that they do not want to take on preventable expenses. If one child can turn a place to rubble, imagine what a couple of them can do. Children are earsplitting. That is a fact. At a wedding I attended once, three kids (who by the way were about four tables away from me) kept laughing and running around and playing ‘hide and seek’ under the tables. It was cute at first, then it became plain annoying. And I really love kids, but at weddings, I can only take them in small doses. Imagine the father of the bride or best man standing up to give a speech and it is then that a very agitated baby decides to protest. Attempts to calm him/her are futile as the irritation only gets worse. In a final attempt, the mother will swing a breast into his/her mouth to the discomfort of a few bachelors sitting close because let’s face it, not everyone understands breastfeeding in public. We all know that a baby crying - or cooing - for that matter, is a part of life, but it’s understandable if a bride doesn’t want that as part of her vows. Kids also tend to stuff their mouths with more than their little stomachs can handle, so there is also the fear that the night will be spent cleaning up vomit. It’s not anyone else’s day but the bride and groom. How they want it to be really shouldn’t be too much to ask. It is one day; the world won’t come to an end because you left the kids home with a babysitter. rachel.garuka@newtimes.co.rw

Lifestyle

DEBATE: Should children attend weddings?