Of late, a lot has been said about the need to re-embrace Pan-Africanism and “decolonize our mindsets” so as to “unlock our potential” as proud Africans. And me thinks, this ambitious goal is attainable, and very much so. To flag this noble campaign off, let’s get all hotels and eating houses to all adopt authentically Rwandan, if not African-sounding names. Luckily, there are a few good apples that can serve as examples for a start: Karisimbi Hotel, Umubano Hotel, Hotel Urumuri … Then there’s Ndaru’s and Afrika Bite restaurants. In the true spirit of Pan-Africanism, this business of having dining and wining establishments named “Half London” and other such hazardous names must be brought to an end. Change of menu By this I mean to say that Mayonnaise should be the first item to be banished from all hotel and restaurant food. This is because I hate Mayonnaise with all my heart and in its sorry place, give me amavuta y’inka anytime. Thing with amavuta is that it introduces this homely, if not grandmotherly flavor to the cooking, and nothing could possibly beat that. Similarly, ubugari should henceforth be made a staple on all local buffets. This nonsense of serving Irish potatoes in five different ways (chips, boiled, deep-fried, mashed, and stewed) must stop with immediate effect. If you must insist on serving this thing then it had better be prepared one way. Why split hairs? Talking of Irish potatoes, that obnoxious name must be changed with immediate effect. We all know that these things ought to be called by their befitting name –Musanze potatoes; or even better –Kinigi potatoes. In the same vein, the name of cowpeas should be changed to reflect and pay homage to their historical and ancestral home –Byumba. So Byumba peas will do. Diner en Noir Also, some key events on the Kigali social and entertainment calendar will have to be regulated accordingly. We will of course begin with the famed annual all-white pop-up party, the Diner en Blanc. I was lucky to attend last year’s DEB and, like all previous ones, one had to spot all-white attire, white stockings and white head gear. To be on the safe side, I had to carry a white pen as well, since part of the reason I attended was so I could write about it. I’m of the humble view that, for subsequent DEB parties, this must change, because we are Pan-African. In fact, let me announce here that I will turn up for this year’s DEB decked in all black –like the devil himself. Our Pan-African credentials must also be seen in the kind of names that we bear. You just can’t start to claim Pan-Africanism while still clinging onto that name that sounds like Mayonnaise. Man up and get a name that has Pan-African grit, like mine. This is the reason many societies in East Africa and in West Africa always fight over my nationality, with each claiming I’m one of them because “Opobo” sounds both East and West African. If you don’t have a purpose-built Pan-African name like mine, then consider these equally useful options: One of my office colleagues goes by the name ‘Mbonyinshuti’ and that sounds Pan-African, so why not consider that? Then there are these two budding filmmaker friends of mine that all happen to be girls; Marie-Clementine Dusabejambo, and Ndimbira Shenge. Dusabejambo and Ndimbira Shenge are cool Pan-African names.
