Editor, RE: Personality over ethnicity (The New Times, April 17) Personality over ethnicity, this is phrased perfectly I believe. I will go with personality, at the end of the day what one needs is a partner to help them fill those missing aspects of life. Marriage has merely been translated into amusement, forgetting that it is actually an integral part of our lives where a slight mistake can lead to a tragic depression. From an old man’s advice I learned that one who chooses a wrong spouse will definitely have worst off-springs. This goes especially with women (mothers) because of the special bond they have with the kids. Right from pregnancy there is a kind of communication that goes on between the mother and the child. At the end of the day, the morals of the kids will mainly depend on them. Back to the point, there are certain aspects that one should focus on while choosing a partner; there are some that are set by religious and cultural beliefs but these below cut across: Materialism takes the lead; this has predominately been associated with women but, of recent, men also have been sighted in the practice. It wouldn’t be bad to get a partner who has property but if it is the main criterion, the relationship won’t be enjoyed to the maximum. This disease absorbs humanity to the point where partners live a parasitic relationship. This goes ahead to damage the marriage since it questions patience between the couple especially when the providing partner is unable to provide, patience at this level defines the marriage or relationship. From experience, the backbone of marriage is patience/endurance no doubt, the more patient the couple can be to each other the more the survival chances of their marriage/relationship, those who have survived the turbulence in marriage are the patient. A materialistic partner will not be patient enough just because the endless list of wants cannot be easily met, if not crookedness will find its way in. You start to hear stories of where partners accuse each other of theft, cheating (in a disguise of getting what they’ve been denied) and many more. In addition to materialism is the hype during early stages of love, here you find either side working to prove the best fit. At times this is not profound it’s more of acting and pretence and eventually to the majority the decision for marriage tends to base on this yet unfortunately the lovers tend to hide their true colors during this course of time trying hard to work an extra mile to impress the other party. True love has no colour, nor time limit; character embedded in the person is the true definition of what people should relish as they look forward to life as spouses. Love knows no ethnicity; in fact the underlying issues that are ignored like those two above are the most crucial. There is an obscure shortlist everyone always has about the character of the partner one needs. Interracial marriages have to a certain extent succeeded; the problem, however, has been that those that failed don’t campaign for it. Khassim Bizimungu
