Elaine and I didn’t meet under the best circumstances. I was idly scrolling through Facebook when she sent me a message and sprang it on me that we were dating the same guy. She went on and on, oblivious to the fact that with every detail, the knots in my stomach got tighter and that with every new piece of information, my heart was moving from mouth to eyes to nose to rear, trying to exit. When Elaine asked to meet me, I was a bit nervous. You see, one of my many misfortunes in life has been dating cheating scumbags. Because of that, I have been on the receiving end of well thought-out insults, proclamations of calamities upon my life and believable threats from my ‘co-wives.’ I’m talking about the category of women who choose to think that men can be stolen. I have never for the life of me understood why people say such things. “She stole my man.” I can attempt to look past the preposterousness of attaching ownership to a human being. But ‘steal’? Really??? A grown, sane human being with a will of his own can be stolen without being drugged and chained and muffled? I don’t think so. In any case, only God (or maybe the devil?) knows why a fully grown woman would fight for a chance to keep a man who doesn’t love or respect her enough to stay faithful. It is demeaning. When I met Elaine, I was pleasantly surprised to find that she was not interested in pulling wigs. In fact, she was quick to suggest and I gladly agreed that we both kick the lying cheating dog to the curb. We planned a foolproof, theatrical breakup. I would invite him to a restaurant. Then she would walk in and sit down. At this point, he would be mortified. We would both glare at him and then walk out of the restaurant and out of his life without saying a word. On the D-day, I did my hair and dressed to the nines. I don’t particularly like dramatic exits but if I never saw him again, I wanted his last image of me to be that of a smoking hot young woman. I think I’m allowed a few moments of pettiness in my life. Elaine was a no-show and I was forced to do the breakup by myself. I later found out that she couldn’t drum up the courage to come because “I’m still in love with him.” It was the first time I encountered another category of women; those who always choose feelings over logic. They will find out that a man is a complete fraud but they will stay and accept to be hurt and humiliated because of ‘love.’ Apparently, love is blind to everything, including common sense. I find this school of thought completely impractical. Because of this, I have been accused of being unfeeling and unforgiving and ruthless. But it isn’t true. I’m just selfish. I guess that’s my category. I love myself first and most.It is my duty to protect myself and sieve out anything or anyone whose conduct tears me down.
