A man who cheats? No thanks

Bella Bora My friend Jenny is now single. A few days ago, she wasn’t single. She wasn’t wandering the earth alone, crying herself to sleep, asking why God won’t grant her a man. I assume that’s what people think us single women do from the way they endlessly express ‘concern’ about our singlehood. Apparently, Jenny shouldn’t be single. But when her boyfriend started taking too many private calls and being overly protective of his phone, she felt the need to snoop around. She found questionable messages and photos. She threw a fit accusing the man of being a two-timer and he threw a counter fit, accusing her of being an untrusting stalker. Now here we are, wiping tears and giving group hugs. Having heard the story of how she ended up boyfriendless, every one of our girlfriends except me (and they pointed out that it’s one of the many reasons why I’m still single), unanimously agreed that it was her fault. “You should never go through your boyfriend’s phone,” one of the girls said. And everyone said amen. “And if you go through the phone and find out that he is chatting up another girl, you should pretend not to know.” And everyone said Amen. “Because if he is cheating and trying to hide it from you, then he loves you.” And everyone said amen. Someone even went as far as suggesting that Jenny should find out what she doing to cause her man to run round and thereafter, fix it. I couldn’t help but scoff. I know that by now, I shouldn’t be surprised to hear such statements. I have heard them many, many times. And yet each time women open their mouths to condone cheating, I am taken aback. I start to wonder what event bruised these women’s self-esteem so much so that they started to believe that it’s okay to be disrespected and lied to. I start to wonder what terrible thing happened to them to make them think that it’s okay to be with someone who doesn’t think you’re enough. What’s really confusing is the hypocrisy of it all. Because when you ask those same women the most important thing in a relationship is, they are quick to say ‘trust.’ Call me crazy but isn’t trust supposed to encompass faithfulness? Or maybe it’s because these women and I have different definitions of trust. Their version seems to suggest that trust is choosing to act ignorant to your boyfriend’s philandering ways. But every time I bring up my point of view, I am shot down with, “You’re naïve.” “Your standards are impossibly high because where will you find a man who will be completely faithful to you?” If indeed there are no faithful men left on earth, it means that my choice lies between adopting a new definition of trust and staying single. I gladly choose the latter. I’m not so desperate to have a man that I will take one who will run around or even so much as give me a reason to want to snoop around. And I won’t excuse his behavior because I am supposedly not being the perfect girlfriend. I’m not a perfect human being. No one is.

Lifestyle

A man who cheats? No thanks