Dating sites: Finding love by just the click of a mouse

The website is usually something like meetyourmatch.com, and there are hundreds of people joining it and creating accounts with the hope of finding ‘true love.’ Many may find this weird. Who looks for love on the Internet? You’ll be shocked; some people have been lucky and can testify to finding ‘happily-ever-after’ by just the click of a mouse. Take 25-year-old Anna Mwiza and 38-year-old Mark Kimenyi for example. They ‘met’ online and are now happily married. “It’s actually funny how we met; it was because of a mistake on my profile page. When registering on these dating sites, they usually ask for your location and which location you would like a partner from. When I registered I was still in Rwanda and wanted a man from Rwanda but when I relocated to Canada, I didn’t change my location settings, so he caught me off-guard. We received match notifications but we didn’t think much of it. However, one day we randomly started chatting,” says Mwiza. Mwiza adds that she gave him her phone number and after weeks of waiting, a phone call came through. “Hi, Anna, it’s Mark,” she responded jokingly, “Which Mark?” He had called from Kigali. She says they started talking on a daily basis and went on their first date a month later when he travelled to Canada. “However, neither of us was looking for anything serious. But we started hanging out together, talking a lot and being there for each other, it happened gradually. I think what sealed the deal was when he met my daughter from a previous relationship and they instantly connected. I had kind of sensed it, the first time we met that I liked him but since I had my hands full, going out wasn’t much of an option,” she adds. After dating for one year, Kimenyi proposed. Such is the current trend in town as people embrace online dating sites and social media to find love. Back in the 90’s and early 2000’s when online dating sites were springing up, people were reluctant to join them, for several reasons such as reliability, security of personal data, personal perceptions and of, course, the honesty of people, among others. People who engaged in online dating were seen as desperate, but that perception has since changed. According to various people who have engaged in online dating, dating sites are becoming popular with young people. Sites like umukunzi.com or incuti.com, two dating sites in Rwanda are frequented by people aged 25 to 35 on average. Each of these groups has more than 800 members, of which men are more than women. “I joined the online dating because it’s fast, easy and convenient. With the actual dating scenario, friendship and first getting to know each other well is involved. I’m a busy person, so all I do is answer a few questions, update my online dating profile and contact people who have things I’m looking out for,” says Alain Rugamba, a clearing and forwarding agent. Rugamba adds that proximity usually cheats people into thinking that they are in love; however, if you date someone online, do a long distance relationship with them and wait for them, then your decision will be easily made. How do dating sites work? I registered on several dating sites, under a false name to understand these sites better. You are required to register with an email address and after you get a notification which you have to approve, you are then directed to the next step. The second page asks for details ranging from your preference (as in looking for a man or woman) marital status, education level, interests, district, country and if one is a student, their campus residence. After joining the group, I was instantly added to the public chat room where people start their conversations before shifting to their personal inbox. Usually, it involves befriending people although most people don’t use their real pictures as their profile picture. “I have been doing online dating for a year now and I have never used my real picture. When I first started out, I was warned by a friend not to use my real picture to avoid people downloading it. Secondly, what if a relative is also on the same site? To avoid such situations, people opt to use pseudo pictures,” says Jane Rukundo. When people find that they have the same qualities, interests and can have fun with each other, they contact each other privately and meet at an agreed location. However, this is not the same thing with another site I registered with. This other site has a rigorous process when it comes to meeting a person you think you are interested in. After going through the usual process, I submitted my form which included my contact details and the specifications I was looking for in a woman. However, the company that monitors data flow is in charge of helping people to meet according to specifications that match. However, there’s a fee ranging from Rwf10, 000 depending on the services asked for. Although, dating sites are helping people, Rugamba says there’s a downside to these services which people ought to look out for. People can lie about their age, weight, height, income, and marital status. Fanny Uwase, who used a dating site, concurs because it happened to her. “In 2008, I met a guy on Facebook and we started talking. He began by joking about my profile picture where I was carrying a cat, he seemed to like teasing people and that was fine with me. However, very few of his pictures were real but he said that he was protecting his identity since he claimed his work was ‘sensitive’,” she says. She says that he sent her two pictures and he looked like a well-put-together person with a good job. They continued talking and eventually decided to meet for a drink. Uwase was fine with it, but that is when all hell broke loose. “When he showed up, nothing about his life matched up. Long story short, it turns out he was a married man with children. Where we had dinner, I met an old friend who told me about him and later when I confronted him, he confirmed my fears. I was heartbroken because he had betrayed my trust,” Uwase says. Uwase was heartbroken, and this is the reason that lack of honesty ranks top on the list of things that make people shy away from online dating sites. However, there are a growing number of people who use dating sites just to ‘sleep around.’ Martine Teta who used dating sites says she left after finding out that some guys join dating sites for the chase. “Guys view everything as a competition, who’s slept with the hottest girls? With online dating sites, guys can talk to more than three girls or even sleep with all of them. This is because you can chat with a hundred people a day; the pool is too big and there are many people to choose from. How safely they sleep around is something that is up to them but that’s the new trend,” says Teta. She also says that most men she has interacted with don’t seem to mind sleeping with women they have no actual knowledge of. “Before the Internet craze, people met their partners through proximity, through family and friends, but now, the Internet is surpassing every other form. It’s changing the way we act,” Teta adds. Although a good number of people are joining dating sites, most people will not admit it, but its growing popularity has completely changed the dating field. Most young people have access to the Internet, a luxury their parents didn’t have and a reason it is most popular these days. Whether or not this option leads to happiness is hard to determine, but in the meantime, it’s only going to get more popular. ***** YOUR VOICE: CAN YOU FIND LOVE ONLINE? We live in a digital world today, we study online and get certified, companies are registered online and you can run business online, even shopping is done without even seeing the product vividly, so why would meeting someone online be something weird? Finding love online is normal, what people should concentrate on more is how to grow that from the computer to a more solid relationship. Remmy Lubega, entrepreneur -- I know people who started relationships with people that they found online though I admit that most of these relationships never worked out. The reason they didn’t workout isn’t because they met online, it’s actually because both parties never gave the relationship chances to grow, because they listened to all the stereotypes where society dictates the perfect places to meet. I still believe that it’s very possible, love can be found anywhere. With all this technology coming up, of course finding love online is less hectic and an easy way for people to hook up. Lillian Gahima, journalist -- It is possible to find love online but it can only succeed if they can pass the next level which is meeting and trying to fit into each other’s reality. It is at this step that it gets really complicated because you have to get to know each other all over again and this time, face to face. Natasha Muziramakenga, poet -- I think online dating has been there and will always be there especially for those who do not have the confidence to strike up a face-to-face conversation with someone they are interested in. A good profile picture will reveal enough; you need to know about them physically too, but I would suggest that you forget the unnecessary details that you can discover on your first date. On the other side people should be careful not to give out too much information or to invest a lot in the relationship unless you are sure because some people come to the Internet with bad intentions. MC Tino, radio presenter

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Dating sites: Finding love by just the click of a mouse