Recently, I watched in disgust (but not disbelief) as people engaged in backward squabble following one woman’s declaration of her disinterest in taking on her husband’s name. Most of them engaged in character assassination, proclaiming doom on the woman’s marriage because “there is no way any man can stay married to such a disrespectful, uncultured woman!” one of them stated. Well, it makes sense for men to fight for something that leaves them at the top of the food chain. But as always, it was a sad, sad sight to see women throwing verbal grenades, all the while fighting for something that robs them of an important aspect of life; identity. Most of them shouted ‘culture!’and it was clear that they were quite ignorant about how women taking on their husband’s names came about. And I wanted to educate them. I wanted to type a long comment explaining how in the olden days, when women got married, they became their husbands’ property. If you were married, your recognition stopped at ‘wife of’. That was the ‘culture.’ But a lot of things have changed since then. Women are now much more than daughters, sisters, wives or even mothers and they are certainly no one’s property. These days, boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl get married. That’s how it goes, right? Up to this point, there is no mention of the role played by either of their names in the success of the relationship. But as soon as they get married, it’s almost as if the first order of service is for women to change their names. It’s actually for this very reason that I often have trouble trying to locate my newly wedded girlfriends on Facebook. Okay. I’m not saying that a woman should or shouldn’t change her name after marriage. One of my philosophies is: live and let live. In essence, what I’m against is people being up in arms about someone’s decision concerning their identity. Do these people who insist that a woman must take on her husband’s name make any exceptions? Like if a man’s name has a terrible meaning, am I to abandon my good name and forever be tethered to a bad name? I actually had a teacher whose name meant vomit. And have these people also considered the rising divorce rate? Well, I do not condone divorce but sometimes things don’t work out. If the woman marries again, is she then expected to change her identity yet again? If I do change my name, and that’s a big if, it will be on my own terms. It will not have anything to do with society’s yardstick of ‘being cultured.’ It won’t be a way of appeasing my husband either. I’m not planning to marry a man who expects me to be unquestioningly submissive. And no, no, I won’t so much as give the time of day to a man who feels that in order for me to show him respect, I must lose my name; the most important part of my identity. I have achieved too much in my life to begin fronting myself as first and foremost, ‘wife of’.
