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Billy Rosa How expressed do you feel in your relationships? If you could rate how authentically “you” you feel as you interact and engage with everyone in your life – from acquaintances to family and everyone in between – how are you doing? On a scale from 0 to 10, 0 being “feeling lost, disconnected from self, lacking confidence or esteem” and 10 being “fully self-expressed, comfortable in my skin, and at peace with where I am,” how do you fair? Consider: how well am I able to express my needs and desires? Learning how to communicate what we want and need from others can be a tall order. Even more challenging can be learning to believe that we are worthy of having people in our lives who respect us and our needs. We can tend to get lost in what other people rely on us for; making sure we are a good child, parent, friend, etc. When we don’t practice honesty in relaying what’s really in our hearts and on our minds we can build up resentment and anger, and our relationships become inauthentic reflections of what’s true for us. Think about it: how comfortable am I sharing my feelings and opinions with others without needing their approval? We sometimes spend inordinate amounts of time trying to gain the approval of those around us. We want to look good in their eyes. We want to avoid looking foolish or silly or unintelligent. Because we are so worried what others think, we become distanced from the real “us” and portray a version of “us” we think others want to see. Who would we be if others’ approval didn’t factor into the equation? Reflect: can I easily express love and concern for those I care about? Being in relationship with others doesn’t mean passively participating in the exchange – it means being an active agent for love and support. Our loved ones deserve to be reminded of our feelings on a regular basis. More importantly, if we can’t easily express these sentiments, we can think about why its hard for us, what holds us back, and how we can get better at it. Pause: am I able to talk about feelings related to death and other losses with friends and family? What good are our relationships if they aren’t safe enough to talk about the hard times? About the things that matter most? Learning to communicate the more difficult emotions like sadness and grief can take time and practice, but it is an essential aspect of becoming fully at peace with all of life and embracing our relationships in their entirety. If your personal rating to the questions above is not as high as you’d like, consider ways you can slowly begin to release the old patterns and habits that prevent you from being fully self-expressed. How can you begin to engage the world from a place of believing that you are enough, as you are, with what you have, right now? Begin anywhere. Billy Rosa is a Registered Nurse, Integrative Nurse Coach

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