Humour: Diaspoman: Mr. Celibataire’s lives up to his name

There are so many memories that flood my mind whenever I think about the now demolished Kiyovu of the poor. Most notably, I remember how a certain Mr. Celibataire attempted to get himself a wife at the famous pub that belonged to a lady known as Béa. As you may know by now, the sole mission at Béa’s joint was to turn upright thinking people into cabbages. This mission always came to pass due to the products that Béa used to offer. The ratio of sodas to beers at this pub was like 0 to 100. One guy happened to visit Béa’s joint every night. He was commonly called Celibataire. After drinking himself silly, he would suddenly remember the fact that he was the only senior man around who had never been able to get himself a bride. After several rounds of drinks, Celibataire would pick up his bottle and start to cry like a baby. Then he would look at his bottle and begin to pose some tough questions; “Niko, why is it that I have failed to get myself a wife? Am I that ugly? Am I not wealthy enough? Are you the one who bought me this beautiful Carina?” After lecturing and questioning his half empty bottle, Celibataire would then head for his Carina and start his car ready to drive home. But before setting off, he would plead with the ladies around for anyone who would be willing to marry him. “Why don’t you love me really? I have a Carina, I have a fridge and I have a colour T.V!” However, the ladies would just laugh at him. “Go try at Cadillac” they would shout out. After several attempts, he would slowly drive away in misery. Then one day, Celibataire thought he had hit a jackpot. He had been tanking himself silly at Béa’s and as usual interrogated his bottle to find out answers as to why he was still a senior bachelor. When he set off to his Carina, he heard a voice of lady requesting him for a lift. In his drunken state, he realized that he had finally found himself a suitable wife. He then stopped the car and let the stranger sit in beside him. Off he sped with his Carina to find a suitable spot in which he would propose to the lady. He found a huge tree and parked right there. Mr. Celibataire stretched his hand out to offer this stranger a hearty kiss. All of a sudden, the lady’s face was full of beards. What had happened for God’s sake? Meanwhile, the stranger was fighting back. “Boss Boss, it’s me Jean Paul. You do not remember me? I am your house boy!” Celibataire cursed and spat in disgust. He chased his houseboy out of the car and stayed under the tree to reflect on what had just happened … Contact: diaspoman@yahoo.com