This may sound blindingly obvious a topic to write on, but you would be amazed by how desperately these teens beckon your guidance daily. My long encounter with teenagers and youths has accrued one supposition: most of them are a confused lot utterly devoid of sense of direction and in dire need of guidance. It is the phase of exploration as well as trial and error. If this phase is not tactfully handled by the parents, teachers and religious guides, delinquencies may ensue consequently blighting their future. Christine Osae As teens mature, they assert their independence, exploring activities that interest them, forging relationships with peers and making decisions (most of them wide of the mark) about their future - all in the name of rebellion. While you want to give your teen some independence, you also need to establish boundaries. Even if they protest, teens will appreciate boundaries, which leave them feeling secure. By understanding the consequences of a lack of boundaries, you will quickly realise the importance of setting clear limits within your household. Lest I am misconstrued, boundaries have nothing to do with a private bodyguard, ridiculously stringent curfews or caging your daughter like a parrot. These will only show your lack of trust in your child and mar your relationship. Boundaries should be a clear sense of what they can and cannot do: a set of rules reasonably stated and exercised lovingly yet firmly. One area that needs clear boundaries is parties. Teens enjoy celebrating birthdays, graduation and other important milestones, or they just want to have fun with friends. When it is a day party, teens tend to attend without parental consent; for night parties some will sneak out of the house without your knowledge. Sometimes the parties begin with only a few invited guests, but they can quickly grow to 100 plus teenagers. Without adult supervision, dangerous activities can ensue often with tragic consequences. Call me old school, iron hand or heartless, but the rule is: seek consent; let’s talk about it! Oh!, and sneaking out should have clearly stipulated consequences. Parties are good: they promote socialisation and are a good way to break off from school stress. However, I am keen to take issues with the wild youths whose intent is to sell or consume drugs and alcohol in such platforms. Short- and long-term consequences that arise from underage alcohol consumption are astonishing in their range and magnitude, affecting adolescents, the people around them, and society as a whole. Set clear boundaries on alcohol consumption and drug use. Of course, they understand the risks involved but we all know they are driven by their desire and not the rational part of the brain. In the mind of a young person, the “risk” of using drugs has many dimensions. Not only do teens consider physical risk, but also emotional (acting inappropriately, or getting depressed), social/relational, and aspirational. Social risks include disappointing friends or family, and loosing friends while aspirational risks include losing a job, or getting in trouble with the law. All of these perceived risks – physical, emotional, social, and aspirational – are different with each drug. Knowing all these will not prevent them from the adventure, so set boundaries. And when she brings a boy home, do you trust her to stay locked in her room with the boy? I am not asking you to be hysterical but let’s face it, are you willing to call the bluff? In today’s hyper-sexualized culture of Internet sites, mass media entertainers, and 24/7 thinly veiled sexual overtones on tv, knowledge of the consequences of premarital sex is completely inadequate- set boundaries. Prevention is better than cure. Similarly, if you do nothing about his/her wardrobe, you will be treated to a shocking revelation. Teenagers are quite amusing. They love testing waters to see if they will swim undeterred. If you say nothing about her dressing, she will walk around wearing patches of clothes only big enough to cover the subject matter - long enough to leave no room for guess work. Your son on the other hand will be adorned in trousers exposing buttock-cleavage so charitably that the doctor won’t ask him to pull his pants down for an injection. I can go on and on. Fortunately, you get my point. Set boundaries with clear penalties and let them understand these boundaries. Do not assume they know, remind them constantly until it becomes innate. The writer is a lecturer at The Adventist University of Central Africa
