Whoever designed the law that bars minors from accessing bars and other drinking places should have done a little more. To simply stop everybody that can’t prove they’re 18 and over from drinking and accessing bars is not enough. There are a handful of other offenders that should immediately be stripped of their right to hit the bar … I have argued here before, that one of the main reasons we have to pay through the nose for food and beer in Kigali, is the rate at which people consume serviettes while drinking and eating out. A man walks into a bar, places an order for a cold beer, then proceeds to follow this order up with yet another order for serviettes. He does not need just one or two pieces of it – he needs a plate or box full of the stuff. There is so many varied tasks he needs to perform with the tender little bits of tissue, you know. Typically, the serviette-maniac needs about three pieces of serviette just to clean out the mouth of the bottle after the crown has been popped. This is usually done in an elaborate and drawn-out fashion, with an air of ceremony even. Some of the people who are so steeped into this habit have told me that they do it to clean out potential germs and dirt particles that might be lurking at the bottle’s mouth before they eventually start to “kiss” it. Once this first procedure is done with, the serviette addict now moves to another task –mopping up the rest of the bottle –neck, body, then bottom. This is very likely to eat up the same number of serviettes, but likely more. Yet the serviette lover isn’t done yet: He is still demanding for more; he has to keep wiping the bottle as it continues to release “cold sweat”. If he does not wipe off this “sweat” in due time, he risks losing his grip on the bottle, you know! Real men don’t ask for boxfuls of those creepy-looking bits of tissue as if the drinking of the beer is entirely dependent on it. Real men pop the beer bottle crown with their teeth, then proceed to clean out the mouth of the bottle using the edge of their shirt. The bar is also not a place for the ambiguous types – the kind who are neither here nor there, those who like to sit on the fence. I’m talking of the folks who order for beer that is “not so cold and not so warm”. There can only be warm beer and cold beer.
