He said, “I know that if I proposed marriage right now, none of these girls would say no. They are all in the mood right now.” He might as well have dipped his arm in a fire-ant mound. Responses included hissing, heckling, laughing and cursing. He was shocked. It had been a long day. It was a friend’s Gusaba (giveaway) and we spent the whole day with our teeth out, constantly rising out of our seats to dance in uncomfortable heels. Then we travelled for four hours in preparation for the wedding scheduled for the following day. We were tired. The last thing we needed was a self-absorbed and uncouth loudmouth to stop the car, only to engage in unwelcome banter. He was shouting on top of his voice as though we were deaf or mentally challenged. He was laughing at his own jokes. We kept exchanging headshakes and frowns. So when he finally insinuated that all four of us single women would jump at a chance to marry him if he made an offer on the eve of a wedding, it was time to throw diplomacy out of the window. We fired verbal shots one after the other, men defended and retaliated. They said they didn’t believe that our reactions were genuine. And if our reactions were genuine, well then, “That’s why educated women find it hard to get married. They set their standards high. They forget that men are few. If you find a man who wants to settle down with you, count yourself lucky because he could have picked anybody.” This proclamation, far-fetched as it might sound, is nothing new. It is just another classic example of the fact that even though times have changed, some men still refuse to amend their attitudes. In the past, women needed to get married. Their role was limited to playing ‘housewife.’ They needed men to put roofs over their heads and bread on their tables. Because of this, men could do whatever they pleased. The women in their lives were expected to be passive and unquestioning, treating them like gods. The 21st century educated (and learned) woman is financially independent and refined in her ways. She may want a man but she doesn’t need a man-at least not in the traditional sense of provider, protector and god. She needs a companion. And yet some men insistently carry on with ridiculous sexist proclamations. “There is no ugly man. No, you can’t cheat on your man even if he cheats because you are not a man.” Some of them claim that you are afraid to get married just because you said no to them. They make me want to scream. “No! I just don’t want you! Just you!” In conclusion therefore, I am not lowering my standards, later on erasing them. And yes, I realise that I might end up alone. But I have only one lifetime. I would rather be alone than join the long list of women who are stuck in loveless, miserable marriages. So...liars, cheats, the unintelligent, the loudmouthed, the arrogant and those who are careless (about their physical appearance, finances and hygiene) needn’t apply. End of rant.
