When Christine, 30, got married in the year 2002, she had just graduated from university with a Bachelors degree in Social Sciences. Almost 7 years down the road, Christine is a house wife. “When I got married we agreed that I would find a job after the wedding and I would start planning when to have children after. I found the job and started working,” Christine says. But as soon as she got the job, Christine discovered that she was pregnant. “I am not very sure how it happened but I had just spent five months on the job when I started feeling “funny”. When I consulted a doctor I was five weeks pregnant. I went home and broke the news to my husband. Surprisingly Morris (husband) said he had been looking forward to my pregnancy,” she said. Unfortunately this pregnancy ended Christine’s career goals prematurely and she has become a fulltime housewife. “When I gave birth my husband told me he would pay me a salary but on condition that I stay home and look after our children. We now have three children together.” “But though I have everything that I need because my husband gives me money to buy everything that I want, I feel I want to also go to work like other people but my husband has refused completely.” Christine says when she suggested to her husband that she wanted to resume working her husband refused and asked her to choose between pursuing her career and a her family. “I chose my family. Now I am a full time mother,” she says.While the concept of marriage still involves a man and a woman, the traditional notions of the roles the man and the woman will play as husband and wife are changing. In the past few decades, the number of women pursuing higher education and then focusing on establishing careers has increased. It is much more common to find young women who have delayed marriage until they have completed at a minimum their undergraduate studies and perhaps even their graduate or professional education. It is important to ask your husband to help you make his parents and relatives understand your career plans as a family. It is makes sense to inform the family members in advance so that they do not say later, for example, “But we expected that we would be seeing grandchildren right away.” Or even worse, “Why did she agree to marry you if she wanted to pursue a career?” These are private matters to be resolved first between the husband and wife and, actually, long before there is even talk of finalizing the marriage. Similarly, if you are a young woman who intends to pursue a career and wishes to delay having children, you should be just as honest with your future husband. A woman who depends on her husband for everything often looses control of her life as the husband who is the breadwinner often wants to dictate what the woman should do. When you have your own money and are independent minded, your man will never take you for granted. In fact he will respect you because he values your contribution. Women are no longer alive just to give birth and do housework. Get control of your life with your prosperous career. ubernie@gmail.com
