The return of stay at home mothers

Until late last year, Marie Merci Uwajeneza was juggling life like any other modern career woman. She was a mother and at the same time, a dedicated worker. She started working as an accountant in 2011, just after giving birth to her second child. “I barely found time for my family as I always went home late; I rarely had any time for my children. I was literally a slave in the name of searching for money,” Uwajeneza says. But when her one and half year old son fell off the couch and got seriously injured, Uwajeneza started doubting the importance of her job visa a vis her children. “I went out seeking for employment because I wanted to help my husband with the bills, and yes it helped us financially but we realised that we were missing out on something that wasn’t easy to replace, our kids’ lives and their proper upbringing,” she says In 2014, Uwajeneza got pregnant with her third child. But towards her due date, she finally resigned from her job to be a full time stay at home mother, a move that her husband applauded. Some children lose their moral compass because their mothers are too busy at work and can only make very little time for them. When her kids are all grown up, Uwajeneza hopes to take up a not so demanding business which will enable her to spend enough time with her family. She advises other women, even those with demanding jobs to always spare some time for their kids, especially if they are still young. “A child’s character and wellbeing matters a lot at that tender age, so mothers should always try to do their best and stay home until their toddlers are at least two or three years old,” Uwajeneza says. Amos Furaha is a professional counselor at Live Again Rwanda. He says that , a woman who quits her job to look after her children, especially one with financial support, should be commended. Children get to have ample time with her and this creates a special bond. Experts say that children below three years deserve to be under their mother’s care full time. “Bonding is very vital in the earlier development of a child. Children get to build their character when they are younger, and a connection to the parents fosters this. If a mother opts to stay at home, she gives her children a chance to do better,” Furaha says. On the mother’s part, there is that sense of security that comes from knowing that her children are safe under her care, something that works out well for the entire family especially if the partner is supportive. Furaha explains that he cannot advise a woman to either leave or stay at work, because that is a decision that a person has to take based on social, economic factors. “It’s easier to make things work if the man of the house is supportive because obviously, there are issues that might arise from the decision if both parties are on different pages,” he says A childs character is formed at a very young age. Parents are advised to bond with their chidlren as this process takes shape. Dr. Rachna Pande, the head of the Internal Medicine department at Ruhengeri hospital says that any time a mother spends with their child facilitates bonding. She says that a mother needs to give attention to her child’s needs by showing them love, care, affection and teaching them good values that helps the child to progress positively in life. She, however, points out that working mothers should not feel guilty because many stay at home mothers also do not spend quality time or pay adequate attention to the needs of their children. It all depends on how a mother juggles their responsibilities, whether working or not. “How much time a child can stay away from the mother depends on other factors as well. If there are grandparents or other family members who love the child equally and take good care, a child can stay happily without the mother for any length of time. It also depends on the child’s temperament; some children are more demanding and selective, whereas some children are flexible. Also a child who is physically healthy and well fed and comfortable will be more flexible. A child who is sick or hungry will be cranky and more demanding,” Dr Pande explains. What people say Scovia Karungi is a married woman and a mother. She says that to her; a woman leaving their well-paying job to stay at home and take care of the family is an act of heroism. “A few mothers have the guts to leave their jobs after tasting the pride and fulfillment of earning their own money. I have worked before but now that I am a stay home mother, I can never wish to trade places because I know the impact it has had on my family,” Karungi says. She says that some misunderstandings amongst married partners arise from couples not having enough time for the family or even themselves. “Just picture a family where the man and woman leave the house early in the morning and come back late at night, how can they build a home when they are barely there for each other, money matters but sometimes people also need to put other factors into consideration,” she adds. Children raised by their mothers are usually far better than those that have been left in the care of nannies and day care centers. (Net photos) Much as the family’s well-being could be on the line for both parents to be working, Maureen Ashimwe, an office administrator says that she cannot in her rightful mind quit her job for that. She says that some women work not because it’s their choice but rather out of necessity. “Most women work because their families need them to, if you quit yet your partner doesn’t make that much to sustain the family, how is that even a great idea. Giving all the attention your children needs when they are starving doesn’t help in any way,” Ashimwe says. She advises women to think of the consequences of making such a decision before they make up their minds. Steven Tushabe, an accountant says that he respects a woman who decides to stay at home and raise her children. “Mothers who place their babies in the care of maids or day care centers are causing an irreparable damage to the wellbeing of a child. Such kids grow up with some sort of estrangement which isn’t healthy and such issues are hardly reversible when a child is older. It’s only common sense that children who are raised by their parents and those raised by maids are different when it comes to their moral compass,” Tushabe adds. The “what-ifs” of being a stay at home mother are many. They are hard to face and equally hard to discuss. It is important that you take the time to consider your options in your interest and loved ones. Being a stay at home mother does not necessarily mean the end of the road for innovative women. It’s up to you to turn it into something profitable; you could start a side business that can surprisingly make you even more money that you were making before. Ultimately, being a stay home parent is what you make of it. editorial@newtimes.co.rw *********************************** I say: Would you quit your job to be a stay at home mum? Francoise Mukansanga,Entrepreneur Francoise Mukansanga Definitely. As long as I am assured that my family won’t starve, I would give it a try. If my husband is working and his income alone can sustain the family, I don’t see why not. Personally, I would quit so that I get time for my family. Margret Uwimana, Vendor Margret Uwimana Looking at this issue from my children’s perspective; if my children are not getting enough parental care and attention mainly because I am working a lot; eventually that can lead me to quitting my job. I think it would be unfair for me to devote my time to work when I am absent in my children’s lives. Claudine Namubonye, Vendor Claudine Namubonye I don’t think it would be a good idea especially regarding the family’s development. Being a housewife means that there is nothing you are contributing to the family’s financial basket and that eventually can affect the family’s standards of living. I think quitting your job to be a housewife doesn’t apply everywhere especially where a single income from a husband isn’t enough. Yvonne Nyirahabineza, Teacher Yvonne Nyirahabineza Being a housewife should be regarded as a good thing since it brings further benefits like getting enough time to raise your children. However, as long as a woman’s contribution is also needed to support the family’s well-being, the whole issue becomes questionable. Its worthy if there is enough financial capacity to cater for the family needs. Compiled by Dennis Agaba

Lifestyle

The return of stay at home mothers