When a woman earns more than their spouse

Bertha Mukasine has been married for five years. By the time she got married, she had no job and her husband was the family’s sole bread winner. A few years down the road, she is employed and has since risen the career ladder, putting her in a position where she is now earning much more than her husband. Mukasine says that being a career woman already has its challenges but earning more than her spouse didn’t make things easier at the beginning. “It was hard for us at first but we found a way of dealing with it. I still give him respect as my husband. I may be earning more than him but we are equal partners in our marriage,” Mukasine says. Like Mukasine’s family, some couples or even society find it hard to accept the fact that a woman can earn more than their spouse in a home and be able to live happily. Joyce Kirabo a professional counselor notes that things have changed and the social setting is not what it was in the past. A woman earning more than the spouse should not be a stress factor in the family. “Today, we are seeing what we call women emancipation; women are taking a lead in various aspects. They are providing where the man is not able to provide and you also find that women are getting better paying jobs than men or on the same level as men,” Kirabo says. She explains that people should however acknowledge that even if we have gotten to that level of woman emancipation, it shouldn’t in any way bring about irreconcilable differences either in a marriage or any other relationship. “A woman being able to earn more than their spouse should not destroy a relationship. Marriage should be built on the principles of love. Once the couple has love for each other and their love is a driving factor for the marriage, money can never come in between,” she says She acknowledges that there are cases where some women tend to misuse their position to demean their partners yet a couple should build a relationship based on love not money “As a counselor, I would in the strongest terms possible discourage women from doing that because at the end of the day, this is still your husband and it doesn’t mean that his financial capacity being below yours changes anything. You still remain a wife, and of course as an African woman, you are expected to respect your husband,” she says Pastor David Ewagata of Christain Life Assembly is of the view that a woman earning more than the man should be perceived as normal by society because things have changed. Ladies who earn more should continue to love and respect their partners. He describes it as something not to be frowned upon unless the husband is dealing with insecurities or the woman is taking advantage of the situation to disrespect the spouse. “I think society is still a bit hesitant in accepting the whole idea but then it’s bound to happen with women empowerment. We actually do get couples who have issues with that but we talk to them and address their insecurities. I think it should be looked at as an added advantage for the family,” Ewagata says. He cites the Biblical perspective, where the sense of provision is mostly pressed on the side of the man but doesn’t seek where he gets his provision from. He says that it could be from that virtue of a woman who works, or it could be that he provides for her the atmosphere to work. “Again, when you look at Proverbs Chapter three, it speaks of a totally different context from what we see from other parts of the bible, so there is a balance, it’s not just about the man being the head and the sole provider, a woman can also do that,” he says Laban Bizimungu, an accountant says that if a woman earns more than her husband, it shouldn’t be a cause for alarm in any way because looking at the level of development, especially that of Rwandans, a woman has the resources and tools to do what a man can. Money should not be allowed to ruin an otherwise good relationship. (Net photos) “It’s becoming increasingly common for women to earn more than their male counterparts these days and in regards with its effect on relationships I don’t think it should bring about any difference,” Bizimungu says. He further argues that some men also have ego issues instead of finding a way of dealing with it like for example trying to find a better paying job. Diana Tumuhairwe says that it would not be bad for a woman to earn more than their spouse just that some women don’t want to acknowledge the changes that come with it. “Some women may still need the man to pay half if not all the bills yet it’s them that earn the biggest share. This will obviously bring about conflict even when the man didn’t have issues with the woman earning more,” Tumuhairwe says. She therefore advises women to assume their responsibilities that come with the fact that they have bigger accounts than their better halves. editorial@newtimes.co.rw ************************************ YOUR VOICE: Should a woman’s higher salary be an issue between partners? Jackson Rugambwa, Taxation Economist Jackson Rugambwa Naturally, men think of themselves as providers, and it is difficult to find harmony when the man feels that he is the one being provided for. I acknowledge that things have changed and women are now go-getters. The natural human setting of things has changed a lot but a man still remains the foundation of a home. He should command respect for even just being a man, we don’t need to make more than our wives to earn that respect, but some women think that if they earn more than us, they are kings. If my partner earned more than me, I would respect and praise her for her achievements, after all, I am a modern man but let’s not lose track of the basic rules of each person’s position in a home. Fidel Gakire, Media Manager fg Culturally thinking, I think it would be a recipe for disaster. The Rwandan culture believes that the man is the King of the home. We all know that a throne comes with ability to for example provide. When a man finds out that the woman has more money, you always find that there is a strain because his confidence lowers significantly. I sometimes think that the lack of confidence is what causes some men to be physically and emotionally abusive. Janvier Ntwara, Fashion Designer Janvier Ntwara Not at all. I’d be proud of her because of her ability to make money and share the responsibility of covering expenses. Isn’t that a relationship goal too? It cannot bother me at all. If we truly love each other, I don’t see why money should be a problem. Chantal Ngwino, IT Specialist Chantal Ngwino I don’t really see why it would be a problem but I guess it all depends on the woman’s character. Sometimes, when a woman earns more than a man, she develops a bad attitude and in the process the man also develops an inferiority complex. This obviously never ends well, but if a woman continues loving and respecting her husband, I don’t see how her earning should be an issue. David Muganza, Student David Muganza Generally I don’t think that it should be a problem but some men/women have complexes that would make it so. Personally, I think in a good relationship, the couple is building something together. If she happens to be able to contribute more than I can, so be it. Annabel Uwimana, Tour Operator Annabel Uwimana Men and their egos believe women should always be beneath them so when the woman earns more, an inferiority complex is always almost a must. How I relate with my man can never be influenced by how much I earn. Compiled by Nasra Bishumba

Lifestyle

When a woman earns more than their spouse