DEBATE: Flirting: Is it a form of cheating?

It is a channel for cheating If flirting is not cheating, then why don’t we share the flirty emails or text messages with our partners? A number of times, people in relationships always delete flirty messages or lock their phones so that their partners don’t go through them. Flirting is a channel for cheating even when the culprits continuously lie to themselves that since nothing physical is happening, they are not having an affair. Flirting is not cheating only if the parties involved are not in any kind of relationship, or married. It is that simple. As a single person, flirt away. Flirting being a social, and sometimes sexual activity, involving verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another suggesting an interest for a deeper relationship with the other person, is never healthy for married people or anyone in a love relationship. Flirting involves exchanging sexual gestures with someone which later develops into romance, and most likely, a relationship. Therefore if one is already in a relationship or married, what are they doing sending sexual gestures to other people? The moment a married man or woman starts sending sexual signals to other people besides their spouse, it’s a clear indication that they are cheating and not fit to be in a relationship. Since flirting also means spending a lot of time texting or chatting on the internet, that time could be put to good use. For example, one could probably spend it with their actual spouse, catching up with each other’s lives outside the relationship. The flirts who believe that dallying is not cheating should try checking the number of flirty texts they have and compare them to the texts they send their actual spouses. You’ll be embarrassed to find that you don’t put that much energy or dedication into your own relationship. A publication titled ‘What does the Bible say about flirting?’ that was published on gotquestions.org indicated that having casual contact with someone while purposely entertaining sexual undertones can be dangerous for us spiritually. Although most people believe that as long as nothing physical takes place, what goes on in our minds is irrelevant, the Bible tells us otherwise. The publication further states that sin begins in our minds and then moves to our hearts, Matthew 5:28-29 states: “But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye even if it is your good eye causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” Therefore if you’re in a healthy relationship, please ignore any flirty advances and texts and watch your relationship flourish. doreen.umutesi@newtimes.co.rw Only for the insecure Is it wrong to flirt with someone when your partner isn’t around? Or let’s put the question another way, do you enjoy lovely banter with an attractive friend or co-worker? Single people may use flirting as a way to attract someone. And most people would agree that flirting is fine as long as there are no attachments involved. And as social creatures, I think flirting comes naturally for most of us. But then, do the rules change when you’re in a relationship? Does it finally become offensive? Or worse, is it crossing the line? Most people press the panic button when it comes to flirting. And almost always, that’s because they don’t understand what flirting is really about. So, what is flirting? However much I think it depends on one’s definition of flirting, I tend to think of it as a playful conversation with someone. I think of compliments that make a person feel good. You can flirt with co-worker, a receptionist, or a waitress. And I classify that kind of flirting as innocent. Perhaps your eyes glow, or your verbal exchanges are interesting and thought-provoking. But that is not typically the kind of activity where either party thinks that the other is being suggestive and wants more. If you flirt with someone, it doesn’t have to mean that you’re interested in sleeping with them. You’re just having an interesting conversation that makes you realise just how attractive you really are. If you talk to someone and they get attracted to you, that’s flirting, but again that could happen unknowingly. The question should then be; when does flirting become a problem? It’s one thing to casually hang with a friend but it’s another thing to constantly hang around her like a puppy on a leash. When you constantly find yourself eager to be with your friend, it could be a sign of disaster waiting to happen unless your friend is well known to your partner. More so, when flirting has intent behind it, it ceases to be flirting, it borders on cheating because as humans, we are visual creatures who can be attracted to other people; but that’s perfectly normal. However, don’t start complimenting or spending more time with your friend while thinking about how your partner neglects you. That flirting can be dangerous. So, where do we draw the line? Instead of acting like being in a relationship means to stop having fun with the other sex, we should learn to accept that a bit of flirting now and then doesn’t mean either of you love the other less. I believe that if you love your partner, it’s within your control to put a stop to anything further. No control from outside will help you. So is flirting cheating? Well, it all depends on the way you look at it. Flirt if you want to feel good about yourself but make sure your partner is your first priority. This will help them not to feel insecure or neglected. But if you feel like flirting will negatively affect your relationship, hit the brakes and go find something else to feel good about. As for me, I guess from my argument you can tell where I stand. dean.karemera@newtimes.co.rw

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DEBATE: Flirting: Is it a form of cheating?