Toxic relationships to avoid in 2015

Looking for love in 2015? Avoid... FOR HER By Doreen Umutesi As 2015 sets off, we start our goals to make it better than its predecessor. While analysing and setting the resolutions, the dating aspect should also be seriously considered. Today, looking for a soul mate is like seeking a job at an established company, there is a lot to be considered. That said, to make sure the catch was worth the wait, below are some of the men single ladies in Rwanda should avoid this year. The “Kigali Proposal” settler Based on my observation, four out of ten weddings held in Kigali every weekend consist of a pregnant bride. For some reason, some men settle for marriage after getting a girl pregnant. It has become a trend that it is now known as the “Kigali Proposal”. Couples get married and in just five months, they welcome their first child as if it was genetically modified. Although some girls have used this trick to get hitched, it has not gone down well. Word around is that Kigali is recording many divorce cases and most of these cases are being attributed to this. The “loan lover” I know as women we have advocated for equal opportunity but some men are pushing it. Imagine meeting a guy with at least five things on your check list. You decide to see if his amazing character will bring something nice for you in the long run. So you go for your first outing together and decide to pay the bill. Before you know it, he somehow thinks he has the right to call you requesting for a loan like of Rwf50, 000. Dude, you have known me for a week, what are you doing asking for money claiming you will pay it back? I’m not a bank! The “leech” Because you have given him the picture that you’re Miss Independent, this guy will comfortably let you pay for everything, even the parking ticket of Rwf100. I understand that at times, money is hard to come by but do I look like I just won the lottery? What are you doing hanging out with someone weekend in weekend out and never using your wallet to at least pay for a drink? Some men think that their pretty faces will get them anything around Kigali. Style up! “The boys” kind of guy There is nothing as bad as dating a guy who each time you want to hang out with him, is giving you excuses like “I’m with the boys.” In most cases, it’s a clear indication that you bore him so he opts to hang out with his friends. If that’s not the case, then he is not willing to show you off. If you are dating a guy and he spends more time with his friends than he spends with you, just let go of him. The bar to church hopper Although Jesus said in Mathew 11:28 that “Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest,” He didn’t mean that go to church with a hangover just because you want to woo some beautiful Christian girl. Men will go to great lengths to get what they want. With the common mentality that the best place to get a good girl is the church, some Rwandan men have taken the search to another level. They make frequent trips to church in search for a soul mate, yet they still want to enjoy what most Christians call “worldly things”. If he does not come to church with a hangover, he will quit alcohol for probably six months and after he has walked down the aisle, he resumes his drinking sprees and starts coming back home in the wee hours of the morning just a month into the marriage. Many girls have fallen victim to such men, especially those who claim to only date “God fearing men”. To my church girlfriends, please first investigate! The reckless kind of guy Some men need to style up in 2015. How does a full man take a girl for a dinner date and after whispering sweet nothings in her ears, when it clocks midnight as they head out of the restaurant, he signals a motorist to come and take her home? For starters, if you don’t have money for a cab, why do you even take her out for a date? The most embarrassing bit is when the man starts bargaining for the fare. And to add insult to injury, cold as it is, the man won’t even offer her his jacket! As if that is not bad enough, he will give the motorist Rwf1000 and go as far as asking for change if the trip to her house costs less. The brewery I know they say desperate times call for desperate measures, but no woman should ever get so desperate as to date a walking brewery. If the man stinks more of alcohol than he does cologne, run! If you can’t seem to remember the times you’ve met him sober, hit the exit like terrorists just walked in. This one is bad news ladies. The fighter We all like macho men, a guy who seems like he can take down the world if need be. But under no circumstance should you tolerate a guy who loves to use his fist to get a point across. When he is out of what or who to beat, he will surely turn to you. doreen.umutesi@newtimes.co.rw FOR HIM By Dean Karemera It’s a new year, a time when people make resolutions that they can barely keep but fight hard to make sure they achieve them. That’s not bad at all, but some resolutions come with catastrophic results; such resolutions include getting into a relationship or even getting married. I’m no expert in women affairs, but I think there are certain types of women that should be avoided like the plague. Any man going into a relationship with any of these women should be fully aware of the risks presented: The feminist Ever been seated in a bar and hear how some women assume that all the ills of society are orchestrated by men? Well, these are some of the growing trends in Rwanda today where some women believe that the best thing a man can do to improve himself is cut off his testicles and grow a pair of ovaries. These women live in a fictional world and they will only be comfortable when their man is like a pet on a leash. She can easily be identified by her favourite saying, “all men think with their privates.” Avoid her at all costs. The money chaser Well, it’s fine to treat a lady in a nice manner but there are some who are simply out for money – period! She’s high maintenance and expects a man to finance her entire life. Basically, she is nothing but an upgraded version of a prostitute. Since she has no concept of anyone else’s feelings, her only interest is in getting what she wants. The wannabe princess Well, it’s well known that the French are romantic people. Now, somehow their habits have rubbed off on us. However, some girls take it too far; they live in a fantasy world of Mexican soaps and romance novels; imagining Prince Charming coming on a white horse, sweeping her off her feet, and offer her a problem-free existence for the rest of her life. These “princesses” have completely no idea that real life consists of paying bills. She’ll expect to be taken care of and almost overnight, she’ll turn into a shrieking nag. Run. The whiner If you do not want to spend the early days of your relationship or marriage hanging out late with the boys, do not fall for a whiner. They always find something to complain about. If you’re late, if you’re wearing blue instead of red, if it’s raining outside or sunny, she will find fault in it all. Date her at your own risk but life will be like walking on eggshells around her, stay away. The insecure This is something common and most girls think it’s a way of showing that they love a guy. They call 10 times a day, asking to see “where the relationship is going,” or because she “just wants to hear your voice.” They usually want to get married, now. She doesn’t care who the guy is or what he does - as long as he puts on trousers, she’ll drag him to the altar. Watch out for this one! She’s clingy, needy and always under the impression that you’re going to leave her at any moment for “someone better”. The attention seeker She’s the girl that wants all eyes on her and when they’re not, it becomes a problem. She may be loud in public or post pictures on Instagram and Facebook more times a day than anyone can keep up with. Trying to build a relationship with an attention seeker is the same thing as trying to live in a sandcastle. It’ll take a lot of understanding and therapy sessions to develop a concrete relationship with her. Stay far, far away. The emotionally unavailable So, when she likes you, she’ll want a piece of you and that will be the end. There is no way to build a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person. They refuse to express themselves and are so evasive that it becomes exhausting trying to get through to them. They are good at charm, seduction and sexual appeal, but when the relationship gets deeper they will bail or sabotage it. The control freak This kind is the nasty one; she’ll end up directing every phase of your life. She will tell you what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat, which air to breathe, basically everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will cut off sex, cry, scream, frown, or use any other deceptive female tactic until you give in and succumb to her demands. The analyst With this one, there’s no way of simply saying anything without implying something else. She tries to understand why you do what you do. The need to know why you said one word over another will be the core of your conversations. One-word answers annoy her and that’ll turn into a huge argument. It’ll be like chemistry class with this one. You’ve been warned! These are some of the worst of them. Obviously, there are some good women out there, but it’s always best to be on the lookout. dean.karemera@newtimes.co.rw

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Toxic relationships to avoid in 2015