When the desperate search for a boy pushes mothers to the edge

According to a story published in Uganda’s New Vision, Mathew Mboga Sserubidde, a spare parts dealer in Kampala, dumped his first wife Len Sserubidde, also the mother of his three daughters, and customarily married another woman. He accused his wife of failing to give him a son. However, to Sserubidde’s detriment, his second wife also gave birth to a baby girl. But Sserubidde’s case is just one of the many that are yet to be told. It’s the question at the back of the mind of every expectant mother, is it a boy or a girl? Every man wants a son, right? And it’s plausible too; every man wants an heir, someone to continue the family name. However, some men have taken the longing for an heir a little bit too far. So far that some wives have found themselves at the receiving end of an accusatory finger of a man determined to ignore the facts of nature. This has led to men who cheat in a desperate search for boys. A story from China depicts this challenge that women face globally. XinranXue, a Chinese writer, describes a visit to a peasant family in the Yimeng area; the wife was giving birth. She had barely sat down when she heard a moan of pain in the bedroom next door which abruptly stopped and then a man’s gruff voice said accusingly: “Useless thing!” Suddenly she thought she heard a slight movement in the slops pail behind her. To her absolute horror, she saw a tiny foot poking out of the pail. The midwife must have dropped the tiny baby alive into the slops pail. “That’s a living child,” Xinran said, “It’s not a child,” an older woman corrected her, “It’s a girl baby, and we can’t keep it. Around these parts, you can’t get by without a son, girl babies don’t count,” the older woman said comfortingly. Even in this day and age where women have proved to be as good as men, failure to get a son still gives couples sleepless nights. But worse still, some men blame their wives for not producing boys and even end up divorcing them. Pastor Joshua Masasu of Restoration Church says, “Leaving your wife would not be a solution to anything. In such a situation one has to pray, love the wife and the daughters, because they are also a great blessing from the Lord, otherwise one could end up losing the daughters also by hurting them with that attitude of rejection as if they are not worth anything.” Daniel Butera, a 35-year-old, married with three loving daughters and a son says, “When a woman fails to have a son, the man should not be quick to make irrational decisions. Men pride themselves in having a son who will follow in their footsteps and keep the family name alive, but again, failure to get one doesn’t mean rejecting the wife. Both partners should keep on trying with patience until they are blessed with a baby boy in their lives.” According to Maurice Rukimbira, a marriage counselor at ST. Etienne Cathedral, it is not right for a man to dump his wife just because she cannot give him a son. He says that even scientifically, it is not the woman to determine the gender of the child, only that most people do not understand that. “If you wedded legally and God made you one with your wife, I think there are values one ought to follow as a real Christian, so if you wed, you become the same flesh with your partner and no reason should separate you, regardless of whether you give birth to boys or girls, separation is not allowed in the Bible. People need to be educated either through schools or even churches and seek advice from their pastors and never take decisions alone, they need to consult their elders because even girls can be good children and be a blessing to a family,” he says. According to online reports, choosing the sex of your child is technically possible, thanks to advances in fertility treatments that allow doctors to identify male and female embryos. (File) According to an article on www.mirror.co.uk, men feel they can relate to boys more as they don’t have to deal with the so-called feminine traits and aspirations, such as the belief that girls are more poignant and cry more easily. James Agaba, a part-time teacher and aspiring poet, says it shouldn’t matter what the sex of the baby is. What’s important is that the baby is healthy. “I don’t have any kids of my own yet, but when that time comes, yes, I would like to have a son first. This doesn’t mean that I will be disappointed or miserable if it turns out to be a girl. If that is what God has planned, then so be it. Men who leave their wives because of such are not properly wired. Every child is a blessing.” Agaba says. Twenty-eight-year-old Chantal Uwamariya is married with one daughter and says that it would be a twist in her marriage if she failed to give her husband a son since he takes a lot of pride in baby boys. She says that she prays day and night that her second born will be a boy and with that, she is confident that her husband will be proud of her. Dr. John Muganda Head of gynecologist department at King Faisal Hospital says that for one to have a male or female child, it depends on many factors. He says that scientifically, it is the man who determines the gender of the child, but still, getting a male child depends on many factors. “The level of the PH (potential of hydrogen) in females matters a lot, the average should be seven and if it’s lower than that it becomes acid and it kills spermatozoa. Male spermatozoa are very fragile whereas female spermatozoa can resist vaginal PH, so when the sperm is slow to reach the cervix it has higher chances of dying in the vaginal acid. Female spermatozoa can stay in the vagina even for three days but for the male it can’t wait it’s so fragile therefore having a boy in such a situation is way more difficult. That’s why some literature advises women who want boys to watch what they eat because it affects the basicity of the acid,” Dr. Muganda explains. I say: Should a man look for other options if he can’t have a boy? Maureen Kaitesi Maureen Kaitesi A man leaving his wife just because she cannot have a son isn’t sensible. As long as she can bear children, be it girls only, the man should respect and love her for that. Some men even stay with women who cannot give birth at all so what of those who can? I think a person should be satisfied with the children God has blessed them with. Joseph Mugamba Joseph Mugamba I wouldn’t leave my wife but I definitely would try other means, perhaps marry a second wife. I know science points out that it’s the man who determines the sex of the kid but I would rather try my chances elsewhere if I see that for sure it has failed with my wife to get a son. And in order not to hurt her, I would inform her on what I’m planning so that she doesn’t think that I’m seeing other women for the sake of cheating. Arthur Williams Arthur Williams Sometimes men run out of patience and ignore other factors like science, some even end up divorcing their wives but that wouldn’t be the right thing to do. Married people should sit as a couple and decide on what to do next instead of a man making the decisions alone. The best thing is to be patient and satisfied with the daughters one is already blessed with. Shadia Nnani Shadia Nnani In-laws, especially mothers on the side of the man, pressure their children for grandsons. This forces the man to lose patience even when he wouldn’t have seen it as a problem in the first place. So men sometimes do what they do not because they wanted to but because of other factors like pressure from the family members. editorial@newtimes.co.rw ******************************* Boy or girl? It’s in the father’s genes A study of hundreds of years of family trees suggests a man’s genes play a role in him having sons or daughters. Men inherit a tendency to have more sons or more daughters from their parents. This means that a man with many brothers is more likely to have sons, while a man with many sisters is more likely to have daughters. A Newcastle University study involving thousands of families is helping prospective parents work out whether they are likely to have sons or daughters. The work by Corry Gellatly, a research scientist at the university, has shown that men inherit a tendency to have more sons or more daughters from their parents. This means that a man with many brothers is more likely to have sons, while a man with many sisters is more likely to have daughters. Men determine the sex of a baby depending on whether their sperm is carrying an X or Y chromosome. An X chromosome combines with the mother’s X chromosome to make a baby girl (XX) and a Y chromosome will combine with the mother’s to make a boy (XY). The Newcastle University study suggests that an as-yet undiscovered gene controls whether a man’s sperm contains more X or more Y chromosomes, which affects the sex of his children. On a larger scale, the number of men with more X sperm compared to the number of men with more Y sperm affects the sex ratio of children born each year. Sons or daughters? A gene consists of two parts, known as alleles, one inherited from each parent. In his paper, Mr Gellatly demonstrates that it is likely men carry two different types of allele, which results in three possible combinations in a gene that controls the ratio of X and Y sperm;Men with the first combination, known as mm, produce more Y sperm and have more sons. The second, known as mf, produce a roughly equal number of X and Y sperm and have an approximately equal number of sons and daughters. The third, known as ff, produce more X sperm and have more daughters. “The gene that is passed on from both parents, which causes some men to have more sons and some to have more daughters, may explain why we see the number of men and women roughly balanced in a population. If there are too many males in the population, for example, females will more easily find a mate, so men who have more daughters will pass on more of their genes, causing more females to be born in later generations,” says Newcastle University researcher Mr Gellatly. Agencies

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When the desperate search for a boy pushes mothers to the edge