I can’t take it anymore, I really can’t. I am 16 years old and all my life, for as long as I can remember none of my siblings seems to like me. They call me names and never pass off a chance to tease me. They say I’m an embarrassment to the family and the stress is about to kill me. My hair is falling out and I have lost so much weight. They don’t seem to care. I’m very sad with my life and my parents too seem not to be bothered. Recently, I got into a violent argument with my dad and I resisted the urge to stab him. I don’t want to be like this. I feel like ending my life. I am not sure I have anything to deserve this and I don’t have anywhere to turn to because I am fed up of my family. Help me please! Pamela, Kicukiro The counselor’s thoughts... Dear Pamela, Joyce Kirabo It’s terrible that such a feeling has occurred in your life as a result of conflicts with your siblings. It’s even absurd that your parents are doing nothing to curtail any possible devastating outcomes that may bring misery and total disgrace to the family. However, at such a critical point I would strongly urge you to apply that moral intelligence and stop any such action of committing suicide. One thing you have to admit is that, family conflicts are often healthy and unavoidable but the bottom line is the ability to manage them and avoid escalation to violence. Committing suicide is not only criminal, but it is also not destined for eternal life. From a moral and religious point of view, a family unit was purposely established to live in harmony and bring tranquility to the world. A true meaning of this statement becomes short-lived if it refrains from fulfilling the purpose for which it was meant to serve. Here’s a plan: calm down, start relaxing about things. It won’t be easy, but try really hard, okay? Your sisters and brothers have their own lives, as tough as it may be to accept that, they’re moving on. You’ll start getting a little bit of your own freedom, hopefully, attempt to ask yourself a few questions; What might be fueling your siblings’ resentment? What situations seem to escalate rivalry? Are my actions contributing to this situation? Can I do anything to reconcile with them? Make a list of possible causes, be positive, listen to their concerns and make your parents aware of your efforts. Find special time with them and say “we may have been crappy sisters and brothers but we have become grownups”. They may not realise their weakness if you never bring it up to them. This may bring you closer. So don’t drive yourself too crazy and think of taking your own precious life. The real trick is to minimise conditions that break down sibling relationships and cause long-lasting resentment. Don’t give up hope write a plan to make that change happen. You will be surprised to be in love with your siblings once again. ********************** Your feedback Readers advise Pamela: You might be the problem Aine Bridget No one is born hated. Are you sure they just hate you or you are the cause of whatever reason they dislike you now? Your family must love you, unless they are crazy, but if they all gang up on you, maybe you are the cause of all that. Suicide is silly Sam Bihangane Suicide is the silliest solution any human being can think of. I believe you have aunties and uncles that can take better care of you instead of thinking about taking your own life. Life is so precious and it doesn’t make sense to die because someone else hates you. You need psychological help Faith Nduwayo You need psychological help my dear friend. The hate from your family might affect you, your entire life and your family in the future. Resolve your issues as soon as possible before it gets out of hand. Talk to your family or encourage them to see a counselor too. Talk to your family Thomasi Bigira Have you tried to talk to your family or does it end with threats to kill yourself every time? Let them know how you feel and what it has driven you to. I would be surprised if they didn’t treat you differently. Suicide is not the solution Aisha Mwesigwa Every child fights over and over again with their siblings but the difference is how they react when they are angry. I think you might be the one taking it the wrong way. Don’t commit suicide because someone else is making you feel bad. Actually never commit suicide at all. Vox pop by P. Buchana **************** FACEBOOK: Talk to your dad Julius Muhimbo Sit your dad down and tell him what is going on and how it makes you feel. I am sure he will act on it. Otherwise he will think that it is normal for children to fight and let it slip. You don’t have to commit suicide. Find somewhere else to stay Rose Akintore Stop acting like home is the only place you can stay. Unless of course the entire clan wants to pick on you as well. You need to look at yourself first Yves Nsonga I think you have anger issues that you greatly need to sort out before you think anyone should change theirs. Talk to a counselor Kevin Kidchild I believe a psychologist will give you a proper solution that doesn’t involve buying ropes or poison. Take a shot at it. Don’t be a coward Christine Namara Suicide is a coward’s way of dealing with problems. Face them head on. By this I mean confront your family and let them know that you’ve had enough. Demand to know what their problem is. Seek God’s help Vanessa Hope God didn’t put you in that family to commit suicide, get down on your knees and pray and you will get a solution. Don’t be dramatic Steven Sekyanzi You think committing suicide will make you a happier person? That is a foolish way of thinking and I wouldn’t even think about it even if I was stupid.
