Dress code: Is age just a number when choosing what to wear?

Why would a 45-year-old woman walk around town wearing clothes that her teenage daughter would also not fit in? She is literally suffocating in the small cropped top, revealing the belly with stretch marks. The not so flattering figure is made worse by the short skirt which barely covers her thighs. It is fashion suicide and an embarrassment to women. Lynn Uwineza a 33-year-old nursing school student says such women need to accept that as we get older, there are some things we can’t afford to wear like leggings and small tops, no matter how great a figure you have. I visited a shopping mall on Saturday afternoon in Kigali city centre. As I enjoyed a cup of coffee at the coffee shop, I watched as ladies of all ages walked in, dressed in everything from jeans to leggings to miniskirts to maternity dresses. But despite their differences in age and body shapes, one could easily notice the similarity in the manner of dressing some of them choose. Some ladies, no offence, who looked old enough to be mothers of teenagers wore outfits that youngsters would. Of course, whatever a lady chooses to wear is nobody’s business but that will not stop society from judging her. People will judge and make assumptions based on whether her dress code is appropriate for her age. But should a woman not have the freedom to wear want she wants just because years are catching up with her? Should she accept that her best years are behind her and all that is left for her is to stare at younger girls who have the freedom to throw on whatever they please? Who sets the rules? Who is consulted? An old African proverb in vernacular loosely translates to “former dancers at times watch from the sideline”, and Monique Mutesi subscribes to that line of thought. As a 46-year-old, she has long accepted that tight skirts that turned heads years back should be passed down to younger girls with no hard feelings. She says that efforts to fit into what younger girls can, would probably end up with an eye sore as she at times sees on the streets. “As a lady, at times you have to realise that just because some clothes look good on other people, they may not necessarily look as great on you. You have to accept that as you grow older and become a mother some of your body changes,” Mutesi says. Motherhood brings changes to one’s body and Mutesi figures that not all changes should be for the public eye. But some think that body size should not be the reason to drop some outfits. Sabina Karanja, a Kenyan expatriate in her late 30’s working and residing in Kigali, says that with age and maturity, some gloves should be hanged - teenage clothes being one of them. “As a woman who is aging, few people will take you seriously if you dress up like your daughter. Simple things such as your appearance can earn or take away your respect. Not many people will regard you highly if you are a woman in her fifties but dress up like a college girl in short skirts and tops that reveal your abdomen,” Karanja says. But what if you have maintained the figure you had during your campus days? What if you look as ‘grand’ as you daughter, your waist is still tapered and you have no cellulite? Do you have a reason to accept ‘defeat’ when you have not lost yet? What do men think? City business man John Mugiraneza says he only has a problem if a woman looks like she is trying too hard. “I do not see a problem with looking trendy if a woman’s body structure allows it. It should not be narrowed down to tight and skimpy outfits; a lot of young girls look trendy without having to wear tight clothes,” Mugiraneza says. Though yet to get married, he says he wouldn’t mind seeing his wife look trendy as she ages gracefully, as long as it suits her. “If after 15 or 20 years of marriage she can still put a bit of effort as she did when we first met, who wouldn’t like that?” Mugiraneza asks. Though not a religious leader, whatever Kalisa Faustin doesn’t know about Christianity is probably not worth knowing. The father of two and an ardent Christian says that no matter one’s age, decency should always be observed. “We should always dress decently no matter one’s age; it is not like one should dress skimpily until they are a certain age before they can cover up and wear fitting clothes. Both women and men are respected based on how they present themselves. If you present yourself as one who has little to lose, that is how people will take you” Kalisa says. Role models He also brings in a different view point, that of role models. He says that as women grow up and have more accomplishments under their belts, younger girls are likely to look up to them as role models. If younger girls put you on a pedestal, you can’t sit on that pedestal if you insist on keeping up with their trends. “If people younger than you look up to you, it is only fair to lead them in the right path. You cannot have college girls look up to you yet you are competing via dress code. When you are dressed in some particular outfits, you could be failing in your role as their mentor,” Kalisa says. Younger girls Donata Ingabire an attendant at a cyber café in Kigali says that she tries to look trendy without looking trashy. She says she wears whatever is trending because looking good gives her contentment. “It feels good to look and smell nice,” she says. And she doesn’t think she will let it go any time soon. “I am 24 and some day, age will catch up, I will be a mother and will probably not be as slim as I am. But I will always look trendy; I will always wear whatever is in fashion as long as it looks good on me. I do not plan to one day wear a lousy outfit with the excuse that I am old. There are fashionable items for all ages,” Ingabire says. But she quickly adds that fashion and trends should not be an excuse to struggle to fit in, they should not give reasons to wear outfits that do not complement your looks. “Just as it would seem strange if a girl around 10 wore make up and heels, it is also strange for 50-year-old women to wear leggings and a tight top. Look fashionable or trendy but do not go overboard,” Ingabire says. At this point she gives examples in a list that features Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey, among other public figures. For 19-year-old Tona Umurungi, the frustrations that come with trying to please society are the reason she turns a deaf ear. “Even at my age, my aunt is always telling my mum not to let me wear short skirts. And I wonder, if I can’t wear them now, when will I wear them? As you get older, it becomes harder to wear these things because people talk,” Umurungi says. Whether your age or stage in life is a factor in your choice of attire or not, it is best we all understand that to be taken seriously, we must act our age, and that includes dressing our age. It is annoying already to see an 18-year-old walking around with sagging pants and boxers exposed, but for a grown man, that, if I had the power would merit serious strokes of the cane. It might not be anyone’s business how someone chooses to dress, but t is also natural for society to question another’s sanity based on how they are dressed. There are ways to look classy and hip without coming off as ‘trying too hard’ – we just need to accept that some things are best left for the younger ones who might not be judged so harshly. collinsmwai@gmail.com ************************ I say: Ciney, Singer I think it automatically happens even without thinking about it. As an adolescent, there are clothes you feel comfortable putting on but not as an adult. For example, there are clothes that I used to put on during my music video shoots some years back but nowadays I can’t even think about it. When you grow up you meet different people and if you are always indecently dressed, people will think of you in that way. Should a woman’s age determine her dress code? Celestine Gahaya, Comedian First of all, age goes along with respect and responsibilities. With that in mind, I believe it would be funny seeing a 64-year-old dressed up as a teenager, though it also depends on the occasion for a particular dress code. If it’s dinner, I wouldn’t expect her to dress up in a mini skirt at her age. I’m aware that fashion designs keep changing with seasons. Innocent Ninsiima, Social activist Yes I believe a woman’s age should determine her dress code because young girls look up to older women. Women are seen as mothers in society, therefore I don’t expect to find a 50-year-old woman putting on a skimpy skirt and a small top. Imagine going to a night club and you find a 55-year-old woman in a short dress? It’s funny for the eye but very disappointing for the community. Dieudonne Ishimwe , Founder of Rwanda Inspiration Backup With age comes responsibility and your physical appearance matters a lot while executing those responsibilities. I see dress code as another way of communication; it determines what people expect of you. Before a person listens to you, your physical appearance has already talked to them. Imagine a teacher in front of her students in a micro skirt and a tight blouse? What kind of message is she giving to her students? Can she tell her students that they are supposed to dress decently and they agree with her? Of course not! People always have a mentality of saying, “if others are doing it, why not me,” but ultimately it is still a mistake as an adult to dress indecently. However, don’t confuse dress code with style. Maybe your style is casual wear, but what kind of casual wear? That’s where decent dress code comes in.

Lifestyle

Dress code: Is age just a number when choosing what to wear?