How we used to tap into NGO funds

A few weeks ago, I was seated at this popular drinking place with a friend. As my bottle of Tusker Malt was almost empty, I beckoned a waiter to add more cold rounds. But since the waiters were not dressed in uniform, I accidentally beckoned a fellow customer and started to scold him; “do you think we have come here to be photographed? Are you the one who pays for our drinks? Quickly, bring 2 cold Tuskers!” The customer was shocked and expressed his anger by breaking our empty bottles. That is when we realized that the customer was a big shot in town who had never ever dreamt of becoming a waiter in Kabeza! Well! If only these bar owners could save and invest in uniforms for waiters and waitresses. At least, that is what Aggrey and I did during the mid-90s when we opened up a hot bar in Kicukiro. Our target then was to attract expatriates who worked in the hundreds of NGOs. That is why we chose a strategic location of Kicukiro where planted the bar along the highway heading to the Airport. Prior to opening up our own pub, we had been frequenting several expensive bars until we realized that we were blowing away loads of cash. Instead of spending so much every evening why not reverse the trend? Why not set up our own bar and instead start minting cash from unsuspecting revelers? In order to beat off stiff bar competition, we set out to borrow the positives from the pubs that we had visited many times. That is why we borrowed the idea of booming music and world class barmaids. We understood for sure that if our barmaids were anywhere similar to Béas maids, then our NGO clients would have to decrease the amount of remittances to their wives and children abroad. We also decided to copy the barmaid uniforms. We informed our barmaids that their new uniform was on its way from Dubai! We assured them that their uniforms were being sewn up by one of the most respected tailors in the United Arab Emirates. We asked them to be patient for 3 more days as the Airway bill from Dubai was going to be faxed to us pronto! Aggrey and I then shifted into top gear. We quickly dashed out and found ourselves heading for Nyabugogo shopping arcade. It was here that we found all the barmaid uniforms that we needed for our staff! We then selected yellow sleeveless blouses, a reddish scarf and tight black miniskirts. We bundled them into a polythene bag and rushed via Kisimenti to have them wrapped up in a fashion to suggest that they were straight in from Dubai. Aggrey and I looked at each other with a touch of satisfaction. Surely, our barmaids would not only like this uniform but would also look smashing! Translation? Our NGO clientele would be able to release more hard currency at Tip Top and hence enriching us beyond our widely worldly expectations…