One year ago my friend divorced her husband and ever since then she has been extremely unpredictable and lies constantly. She lies about things that really don’t even make sense lying about. For example, whether or not she’s at home, or what she’s doing that day. She has a 13-year-old daughter but she tells her that the father does not care about her anymore even though her father tries so hard to be in her life. I have no idea why. She even goes to the point of spreading rumors about her own family and how she was sexually abused as a child. However, she is in her 30’s now but had never shared her ‘horrible’ childhood experiences till now! I know for a fact she is lying about that because I know her, and we grew up together. She has been constantly lying to everyone about anything she can think of since her divorce. It has come to the point where I can’t help but think she has some sort of mental disorder. Pathological lying disorder? I am not sure, please help. Sheila Your comments (from Facebook and Twitter) The best gift you can give to your friend is taking her for a couple of sessions with a professional counselor. You may think she is having mental disorders yet, in reality, she is seeking attention and that’s why she is spreading the rumours. I know it will be hard to drag her to the counselor, but you can tell her that you will be with her every step of the way. Keza Fiona ________________ Your friend is grieving. She has not yet come to terms with the divorce. People grieve differently. She may try to put up a brave act but based on your explanation about her unusual behaviour, you can see through it, it’s grief. Please try talking to her and see how she is coping with her love life. Lillian ______________________ Sheila if your friend is not undergoing a mid-life crisis then she is being a drama queen. Please make it your business to tell her how you feel about her new annoying trait rather than be puzzled about it. When you get to talk she could open up or realise that what she is doing is not right. Lulu ************************************************** The Men Respond You have to help her You have a problem for a friend my dear. Lying can be extremely addictive. Someone can tell lies for sometime but later it becomes something they do even subconsciously. Right now, I can bet that she can’t help but lie about almost anything even without reason. People lie so much that no one ever believes them. They also lie about friends/relatives without thinking of the impact it has on those people. Talk to her, don’t be the only one to do it. Let other friends come together and do the same. She will realise just how much of a mess she is in and reform. Just like any addict, she will need rehab. Tell her when she lies and let her know that there isn’t any need to. She may hate you for sometime but in the end she realise how much you’ve helped her. It’s also wise to get her a counselor, otherwise she will run mad. She doesn’t realise how bad things are. Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship. ____________ It is not your place to intervene It could be that your friend gets a kick from lying; it could be that whenever she fools people, she feels better. As strange as it seems, there are people who are like that. It could be that they feel like lesser people when they tell the truth or they probably lie for the same reason everybody does, because the truth isn’t pretty. Your reasons for concerns are justified; she is your friend, a close friend who you have grown up with. But at some point you must decide if you want to stick around a sinking ship or you want out. At some point you should make up your mind if she is beyond saving. You should decide if you want to stay around a pathological liar who doesn’t see the importance of being truthful even to her own friends. The next thing you know, she will be lying about you too. She is over 30, I am guessing so are you, by now you know that it is not always your fault when you walk away from “friends”. By now you know that some people are beyond saving or that it is not for you to save them, practice that. You will be fine without her; you will not have much to worry about. Collins, 27, is married ___________________ Mind your own business Sheila, it saddens me that you are judging your friend and branding her a pathological liar, saying she makes up excuses and badmouths her ex husband to their daughter. First of all, you say that you know the family well; if so, how come you didn’t know that she was sexually abused? That goes to show that you only know what they choose to tell you which doesn’t make you the say-so on their family matters. Secondly, if you are not her bodyguard, why do you doubt her whereabouts? Maybe you should have first talked to her before running around soliciting for solutions to a problem you might be wrong about. Let’s say you are right, do you have a clear process you intend to go through to help her? Well, before I advise you to mind your own business, it would be prudent for you to first sit down with her and talk to her. Ask her what she’s going through, and why she gives uncoordinated answers whenever she is asked about something. Listen to her side of the story and try to reason with her as adults. It might be hard for you to understand her situation but nonetheless find a way to be helpful and if things don’t go as planned, move on. But stop saying she is badmouthing her husband yet you are not sure why she might be turning into a ‘pathological liar’. Dean, 29, is single
