Is my 14-year-old stealing?

About two months ago, I realised with utter horror that my 14-year-old daughter could be stealing from me. It started with my jewelry going missing and honestly, I didn’t even think about her because I can’t imagine where or when she would wear them. Then my nail polish bag disappeared. Not once did I see her with polish on her nails. I always lock my bedroom so the houseboy doesn’t have access to it. I talked to my husband about it and nothing makes sense. Her kid sister is only six years old so I don’t see how she would take anything. Two weeks ago, the houseboy was away and money went missing from my wallet. The thing is, we also had guests around that time. So it could be anyone. I don’t want to believe that my own child is stealing from me and worse, perhaps selling the stuff that she steals like nail polish and jewelry but with the money, I am now officially worried. I don’t even know how to sit her down to ask lest she honestly didn’t take anything but then again I need to know. What can I do? Martha Your comments (from Facebook and Twitter) I believe you are in need of some parenting tips. The moment you noticed things where mysteriously missing, you should have started confronting the situation. If there is any slight possibility that it’s your daughter taking the items and the money then the earlier you confront her the better. No one would wish for their child to acquire bad habits, but if you don’t sit her down and talk then the possibility of you nurturing a thief is high. Georgette __________________________________________________ I know as a parent, the thought of your daughter turning into a petty thief is alarming. But you have to deal with the problem before it gets out of hand. Based on the items that you are saying that are missing, they are so girly that the houseboy would not steal them. Talk to your daughter before the situation gets out of hand. Alice Mwiza ______________________________________ You need to talk about this issue as a family. Like you said, you’re not sure who is stealing your valuable items but you have suspects. If you don’t want to point fingers, then talk about the issue maybe after a family dinner. Don’t accuse anyone, but ask innocently ‘Who picked my jewelry or nail polish from my room?’ She might surprise you. Suzanne ****************************************************** The Men Respond You have to stop her Martha, it is sad that your daughter is developing such habits. As an adolescent, she is under peer pressure which I think might influence her current habits. I know that as a parent it is always difficult to think that your child does some bad things. You might even see your child kill someone but as a parent you will always come up with an excuse for the unusual behaviour. However, you should face reality that your daughter is actually stealing from you but what is more frightening is what she uses the money, jewelry and nail polish for since she doesn’t use any of those things. This leads me to believe that maybe it has something to do with her friends. Check out her friends. They might the ones influencing her behaviour. Right now, she is at a stage where she needs to be accepted in social circles and maybe by giving the ‘stolen goodies’ as gifts elevates her status within the group. I could also say that maybe she has a boyfriend who always wants money and she is forced to steal so that the boyfriend can steal the stuff. You need to start being actively involved in your daughter’s life and contain this situation before it gets out of hand. Dean, 29, is single ______________________________________________ Build her confidence in you From one parent to another, at times parenthood is harder than you would imagine it will be. We think that we have our little ones figured out or know them well enough only to be surprised by some of their actions. You believe that you raised your daughter well and that you provide her with anything she may want and there is no chance on earth that she can steal from you. But what if there is so much pressure from her age mates and schoolmates to have money to buy candy and other goodies? Teenagers at times do things out of peer pressure and not because they are naughty. Talk to her to find out if she has needs that she would want met but falls short of which could have influenced her to steal from you. Try establishing what kind of friends she has at school, this could be done by asking her to invite her friends home for a small party. Once you find out beyond reasonable doubt that she is the one responsible for the theft, sit her down and tell her that you always have her back and that if she ever needs anything, she should not be shy to ask. Explain to her that there need not be reason for her to do things behind your back. Most of all keep your word; let her believe that she can always come to you if she needs anything. Collins, 27, is married _________________________________________________ You need to be certain to take any action Stealing is a habit that comes with most children at that age especially those in boarding schools but it later stops. They steal petty things for no good reason but you must pay keen attention to this situation amd make sure she is the one. Incase your suspicion is confirmed, confront her and talk to her like a mother. Let her know how wrong it is and the consequences that she would encounter in future if she continued. Usually, it’s just a child that has been mislead and needs to be guided back to the right path. Just be sure about this though, if she isn’t the one, you will have greatly hurt her feelings and for a teen, that could cause bad blood between the both of you for a very long time or forever even, so be very careful. Teenage years are very sensitive, as an adoloscent once, you should be able to understand that. You need to tackle this as delicatley as you canor it will bring problems for you. She will either continue stealing, and on a larger scale, or simply turn into the rebel you do not want her to be. I’m not saying take her out for icecream while you confront her, just don’t be too soft either. She needs to understand that you will always be there for her and that there is not an issue on the planet that she can’t talk to you about. This is the time to make her your friend, as that will help her open up. Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship.