As far as commuter public transport in Kigali goes, Ugize ikibazo hamagara is not the only stress factor, difficult as it is for some people I know to decode. In fact, truth be told, and boldly so, ugize ikibazo hamagara is two-faced, in that it is a bona fide stress factor on the one hand -for some people I know but won’t name, but it is also a blessing to the vast majority. Blessing in the sense that, because of those three magical words, we do not have to deal with a lot of stressful situations involving commuter taxi and minibus chauffeurs and conductors and touts. Which is to say that without it dancing elegantly from the rear windscreens of those Fidelity and Matunda and Virunga Express minibuses, we would have to deal with more violent fights and louder verbal exchanges with the said touts and conductors. But the fact that the phrase is not useless does not mean that the city transport authority has all its work finished. On the contrary, there is still a lot of unfinished business that ought to be attended to as a matter of priority. For starters, buses designated for commuter transport should be made to fall under two categories; those for people who need oxygen while travelling, and those that are allergic to fresh air. Similarly, there should be separate buses for passengers who insist on pulling up all windows whenever the bus hits a dusty section. Those who wish to have the windows wide open in a similar situation should also be accorded the dignity of their own separate rides. I think it’s called mutually exclusive co-existence. Also, there should be a stiff penalty for any chauffeur caught playing only slow love songs on the bus’s stereo for the entire duration of the journey. Particularly, that driver who recently tormented a bus-full of passengers with an entire Celine Dion compilation CD from Kigali all the way to Musanze should immediately be relieved of his duties. Also, some buses need to be reserved, specially for alpha males, and alpha females respectively. Alpha males should board only buses with manly-sounding names; names like Virunga Express. Meanwhile, all ladies and little girls worth their salt should be confined to bus companies with girly-sounding names, by which I mean to say names like Belvedere Lines, Fidelity, and Stella. As for my friends from the motor taxi brigade, they should all be forced to carry at least 3 kilograms of Rw f 100 coins before they even think of setting off from their homes, or wherever it is they keep their bikes for the night. This is all to avoid that humiliating scenario when the motor chauffeur now attempts to force you, esteemed client, to look for “change”, which usually means joining him in the hunt for the next stray motor.
