Recently, when my knight in shining armor gave me a promise ring, many people bombarded me with questions of when we are getting married. It was so hard to explain, especially to those who belong to the same generation as my dear parents, that the ring didn’t mean that we are now an engaged couple. Once, I tried to explain the difference between an engagement ring and a promise ring, all they were able to do in response was frown in confusion. The two rings are indeed different, even though the line between them may be a bit blurry. The reality of many married couples in Rwanda, especially those who have been married for more than 15 years, is that all that mattered back then was the ‘I Love You, I want to make a family with you’ and then boom they would get married and live happily ever after (or not). There was no need to make a big fuss about it, no proposal ring whatsoever, in fact it would be the couple’s secret until the realization. The millennials however came to normalize the idea of getting married, after having gone through several phases, including engagement or fiancé stage. Some would decide to throw big glamor engagement surprises, where you ask her to marry you in front of crowds and cameras. If she says yes, well and good. If it's a no then you would trend on social media for a while, or at least in your friends’ gossip. Others would decide to settle for a simple and private romantic dinner or brunch, with sweet decor and roses, once the yes has been said, would they then and only then bring it to the public. As any other novelty, the proposal culture where the gentleman would get down on one knee in front of his beloved while asking for her hand, brought a lot of controversies. Some argued that it was against culture for a man to kneel for a woman or that the woman would grow to disrespect him because of it. Others did it anyway and their households are still registered as joint as of current. Engagement rings are now very common and normal, but the same cannot be said about promise rings. Even if they have been around in other cultures across the globe, Rwandans are just starting to get familiar with the concept. Apart from the meaning behind each type of ring, a promise ring and engagement one also look very different from one another. While an engagement ring usually features a center diamond or simulated diamond, promise rings are usually less flashy in style. They may feature smaller accents or birthstones, or vary depending on the meaning you’re trying to convey. For example, to represent never-ending love, one may opt for a promise ring that features a band that symbols eternity. Of course there are exceptions, like my man, who will go the extra mile and buy your dream ring. If you are as detailed as I am, about things you like and don’t like, and your partner pays attention to them, then your promise ring may look as beautiful, flamboyant and designated as any other engagement ring. That however does not change the meaning it holds. Promise rings are usually exchanged at the beginning of a relationship, or to mark an anniversary, or generally when both people feel fairly committed to each other. Younger couples are more likely to give a promise ring, as they are committed to staying together but are not ready for marriage, whilst engagement rings are only given to propose marriage. A promise ring as a pre-engagement ring is a more modern concept. They could be regarded as a sort of midway guarantee. It is like saying that eventually we’ll get married, but as of now we’re not ready. A promise ring serves primarily to give both parties reassurance that the relationship will keep going.” Contrary to engagement rings, promise rings don’t kick off a countdown to marriage. With all the changing trends, one may wonder if there will come a day when there will even be a girlfriend/boyfriend proposal ring. Well, maybe! Though promise rings and engagement rings differ, they both symbolize a promise to commit, stay together, and always be honest with one another, etc. One just has to be sure about which stage they are on in life and in their relationships. No matter the type, a ring is just a beautiful reminder of promises you made to each other and keeping them closer to heart whenever you wear the ring.
