It is now a crime to engage in man-to-man business in neighbouring Uganda. “Thou shalt not have carnal knowledge of a fellow dude. It attracts dire consequences …”, the newly signed anti-homosexuality law warns all Ugandan men. “We know you, and should it be that we don’t know you yet, just know that you will be known. After you have been dragged out of your secret location, you will be tossed into jail, to rot there,” it further warns. Incidentally in Uganda, the popular claim and belief is that the same practice is widespread in most detention facilities, although I personally think that they meant something else - sodomy. A few years ago, I spent two cold nights in a Kampala police cell for being “idle and disorderly.” When I came out of detention, I found my friends waiting for me, and their most pressing question was whether I had engaged in any form of man-to-man relations while inside. So, every Ugandan that had never encountered words such as “homosexuality” and “gay rights” and “same sex relations” until last week now knows that at least the words exist. A popular daily tabloid in Kampala actually went ahead to publish what it called a “Top 100” list of men who are allegedly of same sex orientation. The ladies are not safe either. An anti-pornography law that prohibits the wearing of mini-skirts in public spaces has already seen some idle and disorderly city vagabonds violently waylay and undress women they deemed indecently dressed. But the real action, the true outpouring of national sentiment is with the highly sensitive and divisive gay rights issue. And since it’s very sensitive and divisive, please don’t force me into this debate. Why do you want to know if I’m pro, or anti gay? If anything, we are in the season and spirit of Miss Rwanda, and obviously a man can’t serve two masters at ago. Miss Rwanda now, man-to-man love business later. I hope that you do understand. The problem with this subject is that arguments about it are like arguments about religion, in that they always end in disagreement and everyone retaining their old set of beliefs. So what’s the point, when we already know we shall disagree anyway? Keep your views to yourself, and allow others to keep theirs. Don’t come to me spewing your idle, unoriginal and unsolicited anti-gay messages, neither will I entertain idlers with their pro-gay hogwash. Don’t teach me about human rights, and how governments have got no business meddling in citizen’s private affairs. If you think the government has no say on your private matters, just tie a rope around your neck like you want to commit suicide, but make sure you get caught just before the deed. Before you know it, a criminal case file will be opened in your name at the local police post, and you will be charged with “attempted suicide”. But neither am I with the side that is loudly proclaiming “death” to members of the gay community. I think that is taking the joke a little too far.
