Today I’m not in the mood for lengthy, tedious intros, because I know that people have no time in the world of today—people are tired, stressed, irritable, impatient, and highly volatile. So let’s go straight to work as the headline demands … NPD Cotraco at Work Whenever you see a short, elegant, deep blue signpost with white inscriptions to that effect, know that a solid, spanking new, impeccably clean and pot hole-resistant tarmac road is about to spring up in one corner of this country. In fact, the other name for NPD is “clean road works”: “NPD COTRACO AT WORK” also means “Sit back, relax, and unwind. Everything is in control.” In fact, who heads NPD COTRACO? I want to meet him: I want to shake hands with the man who presides over such efficient machinery. Sina Gerard That is the name behind the notorious Akabanga super hot chilli from the dancing hills of Nyirangarama. Without Sina Gerard, there is no akabanga. Mention Sina Gerard, and the word “local enterprise” immediately springs to mind. When ordinary people talk about this man, it’s like they are talking about “the pride of Rwanda”. That explains the somewhat prolonged, dramatic expressions when talking of his empire: when people want akabanga to go with their steaming hot brochettes, they ask for it with firm vigor: they ask forakabangaa!! I’m told Sina personally visits the huge pili pili processing plants dotted in his vast agricultural empire, just to make sure each shot of akabanga bottled contains the right doses of that tear-inducing killer punch. Alimentation Crowded mini-shopping centers with self-service racks where some people who think they are above the law insist on going with their vicious, exotic breed pet dogs. We know you, and even if we don’t know you yet, you will be known. After you are known, a list will be compiled of all the culprits, to be named and shamed. Cash Power The only commodity that the attendant in your corner shop will not give you on credit terms. Because why should something so named cash power be given to you on credit? The people that named it cash power were not fools. Otherwise they would have named it debt power: No cash, no cash power! Bye-Bye Nyakatsi If your girl/boyfriend ever tells you this, know that they’ve dumped you, picked up the broken pieces and walked away. In other words, it is a term used by a jilted lover against a cheating partner to signal the end of the affair. Knowless That is a beer that shamelessly took up the name of a local singer in the vain hope that all men, with raging hormones, would switch allegiance to that brand.
