Gusaba and why it matters

Editor, Please allow me to respond to Sunny Ntayombya’s article, “Who actually cares about the traditional Gusaba anyway?” (The New Times, January 15). My view is that the content of this opinion shows a lack of identity and to some extent cowardice. Tell me, which woman would live happily without the blessings of her beloved ones, especially her father? Or which man will have the confidence and respect to interact with people when he just snatched someones daughter? People need to take responsibility and know what is required of them and know what their roles are in society. I say, permission of parents to marry is as good as their blessings. And what does the author mean by, “what if the father says no at the Gusaba”? Have you ever heard of the “Gufata irembo” ceremony? Why would he change his mind if he has already given a go ahead? You know that a man is as good as his word. The media need to take promotion of culture to a higher level other than distorting it. Dee,Rwanda ****************************** This is a spot on article. Why do I have to pay cows, buy bridal gown, mother in-law gifts, and all other wedding expenses then be expected to be the bread winner? This practice is pointless. By the way, why should there be gender equality if I have to ‘buy’ you from your parents? Traditionally, the dowry was a sort of advance payment for all the domestic chores she was going to do (gukuka, gucunda, guhinga, cooking etc.,) which is no longer the case. Marriage is a business of two consenting adults; family/friends are just supporting cast. In fact, I would suggest going as far as leaving out parents in the invitation card. Just say, “Ms Bride and Mr Groom invite you to their wedding”. Parents are just invitees. Steve,Rwanda ************************** I do not agree with quite a few things in this article: “While some people might argue that this exchange wasn’t a ‘bride price’ per se but rather a token of appreciation from the groom’s family...” Actually I was told that it was to console the family for losing part of the heart of the household. As the young girl was considered the Nyampinga (the one who warmly welcomes the traveler at the end of his journey) the cow is a symbol of gratitude and a consolation. Why should a grown man have to ask a woman’s father for permission to marry her? The Gusaba or traditional marriage is not only the union between two people but between two families. Actually, you are not even asking the father but the speaker of the family. This is to make sure that the girl will be well treated and that there are no grudges between these two families that could jeopardise this union. Why should we continue having this ceremony? Its an important symbol – not the rituals or the process – it’s the union of two families who have become one through two people and the uniqueness of culture which is part of our identity. Ari,Rwanda

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Gusaba and why it matters