There are times when I look back and ask myself some few questions. For example, how did we cope before the coming of MTN? Just close your eyes and imagine what life was like during those days. The best one could do was contact someone who had a landline at his home or workplace. Otherwise one had to rely on sheer luck. The other day I closed my eyes and tried to imagine life without cell phones, certain memories came flooding back. My mind raced back to the mid 90s, when I had just crossed over to our dear motherland. By now, you know how I met up with my long time friend Aggrey, the person with whom I share lots and lots of memories. We also share the same height, size and age. The only thing that we no longer share is the size of our pockets. Whereas Aggrey’s pocket is bulging with a cocktail of currencies, mine happens to be gaping in real hunger. Anyway, during the mid 90s, Aggrey and I would have benefited a lot from MTN! In particular when calamity befell us one late evening at the heart of Kigali. It was during those wacky days that a certain crazy friend happened to come into our lives. This friend of ours was none other than Afande Niko himself. You may recall that Afande Niko earned his name by referring to anyone around him as Niko. He over used the word so much that people decided to baptise him Afande Niko. Niko was a jolly good fellow. Whenever he visited from Gisenyi, he would drop by our house for a few cold ones. Then he would bundle us into his jeep and give us a ride around the city. We would stop at several drinking holes punishing booze along the way. By the time we took a glance at our watches, it would be approaching dawn. He would then drive us back to our poor section of Kiyovu where we would dash for a nap before heading to office. As for Afande Niko, he would drive away to Gisenyi after promising us even more fun next weekend. So on that fateful “next” weekend, Afande Niko returned to Kigali with a bang! This time he was accompanied by three young ladies, whom he had promised heaven on earth. He had told them that Aggrey and I were expatriates all the way from New York! He told them that we were never scared of spending cash. In fact our problem was not cash; instead our problem was that we never knew what to do with that cash. With this in mind, the three little lady musketeers started to consume salt in preparation for real booze. In their minds, they knew that these two expatriates from the US of A were going to dish out cash like no man’s business. No wonder they looked at Afande Niko in a strange manner when he suggested that we have a drink in Nyamijos. Was he mad? You want to take these expatriates to Nyamirambo? No way, let us instead go to a nice place called Meridien Hotel. Phew! When we arrived at the Meridien, Afande Niko led us to the most expensive wing where people with real money hung out. With our new girls, we settled down in our seats and ordered food and drinks. We had no fear whatsoever since Afande Niko was around. Then Niko excused himself as he wanted to visit the gent’s room. In the meantime, we started crushing the delicious food with little mercy. By the time we were through with our meals, there was one plate that was still untouched. It belonged to Afande Niko! Had he developed complications with his tummy? Why was he taking so long in the gents? As we were still in this wondering mood, the bill arrived. I swear the amount indicated on the bill could have been enough to feed a dozen people at a Nyamijos joint. But since we were expatriates we were expected to pay up. When the waiters realised that we were delaying payment, they summoned the hotel security officer. He asked us a few questions; “You don’t have any cash on you? What about cheques? What about credit cards? Nothing at all? Are you really expatriates or just lousy Kigali crooks trying to eat for free?” Had it been today, we could have quickly borrowed a cell phone and called someone for help. But since MTN had not yet arrived in the country, we ended up answering some tough questions at the nearest brigade in Kacyiru… Contact: diaspoman@yahoo.com
