Ask the counselor: My mom's drug addiction is wrecking our family

My mom has a drug problem that started two years ago when she lost her job. She got stressed and would spend hours at home drinking alcohol with the little money she had saved. When the money got finished, she resorted to smoking marijuana since it was cheap and gave her instant ‘heights’. At the time, I was 15 years and thought that it would eventually come to pass but it has since gotten worse. Seeing her in such a state breaks my heart. There are days when she slurs her words and sometimes she can barely stand without falling. My dad and I have confronted her so many times about it, but she gets so defensive. She now spends most of her time at a friend’s place and only comes back home when she’s too high. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m at a point where I cry myself to sleep because I wish I had a better mom, one that would spend time with me. I don’t want to see my family break up. What should I do? Monica The counselor’s thoughts... You must be undergoing emotional chaos as a result of your mother’s drug addiction. It’s therefore vital that you approach this situation gently with compassionate understanding while knowing that drug addiction is complex and not easy to break abruptly. It’s vividly clear that your mother’s life has been ravaged by excessive drinking, reducing her social status and deprived you of her parental closeness. But before we get into the specific steps to ease her adjustment process, it’s paramount that you first appreciate her as your biological mother. Drunkard or not, she’s the only human being on earth whose earlier decision determined your existence today. Your mother is potentially capable of reforming into a worthwhile parent and getting another job if you apply the following steps; Tell your mother how you feel about her situation in a more respectful and friendly manner by using positive reinforcement, for instance raise your matter as “Mom, I really worry about the potential of getting terrible diseases and brain disorders because of your drug addiction. I don’t want to lose you but want to live as long as possible to be with you”. You could prepare an online tour for your mom to look at the research about the effects of drugs on both the addict and those around. If she can handle graphic pictures, include them too, but avoid being judgmental at this moment because this may instead make her more furious. Find out about rehabilitation centres that are acquainted with professional skills and tested procedures on how to entice drug addicts to quit. Don’t give up or regret your mom. God has a reason why you were born of her. You could probably be the person meant to bring light to her life. Engage serious prayers because God’s power is just beyond what we can imagine. You may not be able to change her today but you certainly can exercise your control by the way you signal your extraordinary level of love and concern and let every family member do the same. Feeling loved is an incredible pleasure on its own. Although she might feel defensive, it will be much harder to feel that way if it’s obvious to her that you’re doing this out of love. ************************************* Your feedback Readers advise Monica Do not give up on her Yakobo Musonera Whatever happens between you and your mother, do not give up on her. She carried you for nine months and brought you into this world - that is priceless. Keep fighting for her because if the tables were turned, maybe she would do the same for you. She needs your support Sheena Asiimwe She is a mother and mothers are the greatest people out there. You can’t let this tear you apart. This is a test; how much do you love your mother? Letting her do the wrong thing because you are tired isn’t the right thing to do. Keep loving and supporting her, show her you are not going anywhere and that will make her stop. Cut her out of your life Freddy Flan That moment when a woman is addicted to drugs and can’t take control of her own life is the moment she is no longer a mother. She is just any other woman now. Cut her out of your life before her behaviour starts affecting how people view you. She is the only mother you’ll ever have Sandra Kansiime Not everyone in the world is privileged enough to have a mother. She is a God sent gift, and when you are lucky to still have her in your life, don’t waste that chance thinking about whether to reject her or not. Keep pressuring her and begging her to change. She needs rehab Teopista Treasure Mahoro There is only one way to get her back on track if she is an addict now. Take her to a rehabilitation centre by force. Otherwise you are about to lose a mother. She will realise what drugs have done to her and the family when she spends sometime there. ****************** Don’t let this ruin your life Teophile Nkomeje She isn’t herself and you have tried all you can to get her back to normal. You can’t control the choices she makes. You have a loving and supporting dad so don’t let that get in the way of your lives. She will notice what she is doing one day and change for the better. Shame on her Deejay Felix It is already wrong that she is taking drugs but worse that she is a woman with children. Shame on her indeed. You don’t have to associate your self with her. You can’t abandon your mother Jack Mbayiki A drug addict can’t be trusted to handle anything. You are her relatives and should take full responsibility for what she does. Take her to rehab Josian Umutoni I would say give her another chance but if you think she isn’t changing, take her to rehab. You can’t abandon your mother Caesar Lwanga Take this information to a hospital or even the police before you lose her to drugs. Fight for your mother Didie Kemigisha It is really bad that other mothers are fighting with their children not to take drugs and in your case it’s you fighting with your mother. I am so sorry for you but you need to take her to a counselor by force. Her friend isn’t helping Kagina Kambanda Get together with that friend of hers and talk about it openly with her. Her friend is not helping the situation. Don’t hide it. Get all the facts on the table and find a solution.

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Ask the counselor: My mom's drug addiction is wrecking our family