When Diaspoman was shown the true cost of love
The other day, I jumped onto a Kampala bound bus to visit some old friends in the hope of getting small business deals. While on the bus, I bumped into this nice lady who also happened to be a Diaspochick.
As she had reached the bus park quite late, she was unable to find a seat and hence had to travel all the way to Kampala standing in the aisle! My mind started to work at a breakneck speed and that is how I suddenly found myself offering my seat number 8 to her!
This meant that I was going to stand in the bus for the whole trip. Since I had sacrificed my seat for her, I felt it wise to keep up close and personal with this nice looking lady. That is why I tried to offer her some boiled eggs and potatoes to munch away along the winding long route to Uganda’s capital. However, she declined my offer of boiled eggs citing hygienic reasons. Anyways, I engaged her in small talk and that is how I got to learn that she was a Diaspochick travelling back to her home in the U.S. She was going to spend a few nights in Kampala before heading for New York.
I felt that this was my chance to hook myself a Diaspo companion. In order to win her heart, I tried to portray myself as a big shot in Kigali that was travelling for a serious business meeting in Kampala. But how could a whole boss be travelling in a bus instead of flying? Ah, you see I happen to have this phobia of airplanes. And besides, would I have gotten this chance of meeting someone as nice as you? Yea yea, I was scoring points very fast. I could sense that the chick was going to be my glue in this busy Kampala city.
When we arrived at the Kampala bus park, I started to curse out loud! “I had told my Kampala office to send me the Benz! Where are they?” Then I dialed several fake numbers on my phone. “Nobody is picking up! Anyway let’s just use a taxi. Can I offer you a drink?” The lady agreed. I asked the taxi driver to take us to a place called Ntinda where we would enjoy some drinks and some pork. But to my surprise, the lady pleaded with me that she had always dreamt of visiting the posh Serena Hotel in Kampala. I was cooked! Where was I going to raise the cash from! That place is damn expensive!
But without hesitating, I found myself confessing the same “You know what! I have always wanted to visit the Serena too!” Before long, the taxi was swerving through the gates of the Serena. I realized what trouble I had landed myself in when the menu was brought over to our table. I could feel my heartthrob vibrating out from my throat as my new friend was busy ordering for a very expensive wine. “Please give me a glass of Cabernet sauvignon and then mix some doses of Pinot Noir and Syrah” Phew! I just settled for a bottle of Tusker beer.
I pretended to be in love with my new catch but the truth of the matter is that I was seething with anger and venom. This was not part of the plan! For me, I had thought that we would sit at the Ntinda roadside bars whereby we would guzzle some Bell beers and swallow some roasted pork. But alas, it was not to be! As I sipped slowly on my Tusker, the chick told me that she wanted to go dancing “Please let’s go to Silk Royale!”
And like a sheep being led to the slaughter house, I found myself heading to Silk Royale Discotheque. The good news is that it was ladies night so I just had to raise entrance fees for myself. My objective at this stage was to keep her at the dancing floor! If not, then I would run the risk of buying more rounds of Champagnes and wines. But the chick was always a step ahead of me. Every time I turned around, she would be perched up on a stool at the counter guzzling like there was no tomorrow. After drinking to her fill, she whispered in my ear; “Go to the car and I will join you in 3 minutes.”
Indeed, I rushed out and sat in the taxi patiently waiting for my Diaspochick to join me. After about five minutes, I spotted her coming out of the discotheque. However, she was not alone! Beside her was this rich looking guy who had a round pot beer belly for a stomach! He pressed his remote control key holder and at a distance I could see his grayish S-class Mercedes Benz. Before I could dash out, the couple was entering the sleek posh Benz and heading away through the cold night. I was just left flabbergasted and disgusted! That, to me was the true cost of love…