You know how a friend breaks up with a guy and expects the whole world to break up with him too? Yeah, I didn’t know just how serious this could get until last week. 

I used to think this whole ‘if I don’t like someone, nobody else should’ gibberish was only for bored high school kids. But apparently grownups feel the same way. This one girl, after a nasty public breakup with her boyfriend of 2 years, declared war on anyone she found speaking to him. Naturally people laughed it off, thinking it was one of those things people say when they are mad.

Alas! The girl was serious. It was free drama for us the weekend she found one of her friends seated at the counter with the guy. It actually didn’t help that it wasn’t just the two of them or that the other girl had actually just found them there and decided to join.

Other than insisting on calling her Judas the whole night, she went ahead to send the loudest sarcastic laugh their way every 10 minutes, something that made even the waitresses uncomfortable. Attempts to get her to calm down sparked off an outrage of insults and a lengthy narration of everything she’d done for ‘Judas’.

I can’t explain the magnitude of my respect for ‘Judas’ because not once did she seem uncomfortable in her seat, and to top it all off, she continued with the night like she was actually oblivious to the poisonous reptile spitting venom her way. 

Personally, I’d hate to do anything that would hurt another, more so a friend. But women need to learn to be rational. If you don’t want to talk to your ex, that’s fine. But you have no business forcing other people to do the same, especially when you are all in the same circle. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable that is?

In the venom spitting reptile’s defense, she thought her friend had hooked up with her ex and were using the other people on the table to make it look innocent. "They never cared to hang out before, so why now,” she asked. I don’t know; all I know is that if they are actually friends, she could have at least sat her down elsewhere and explained that she wasn’t comfortable with them hanging instead of unleashing her skill in sending insults. Some people are better listeners when you talk to them nicely! If you come with the wrong attitude, you will get the wrong reaction, especially if they know they are not doing anything wrong.

I understand girl-code all too well, but even I know when chicks take it a little too far. Until you find them smooching in a dark corner or sharing an ice-cream cone in Bourbon or holding hands while gazing into each other’s eyes, there is really nothing to beef about. Beef when you find out they secretly meet, not when there are about five other people on the table, including other girls! 

That said, she didn’t betray you, she is simply living. You should try it….

*****

BREAK UP DON'TS (By Lynn D. Kamugisha)

Don’t you just hate the whole born, grown, fall in love, a few heartbreaks and then death thing? All this makes me sick to my stomach.

For real though; you meet a person, like them from the get go, cultivate the friendship, open up your heart, then a few months down the road, just like the wind, they are gone for good and you have to do this all over again....sucks right?

Anyway I am not going to focus too much on how painful or exhausting it can be. I will instead share what I have learned over the years. Some things should never be done after a break up.

Never let yourself become a blubbering mess, all teary - ugly has never looked good on anyone -15 minutes is all you should give the loss if at all you must.

Never insult in any form, shape or manner the person who has broken your heart. This makes you seem psychotic and they will be glad it ended.

Never stop living the way you have been accustomed to for instance do not get off social media just because they are there too. Stay and behave like they are dead and you are unaware.

Never indulge in alcohol after a break up, if anything, stay away from the bitter stuff for at least a month as you sort yourself out. Need I explain what booze leads to?

Do not get yourself entangled in rebound sex because even if you may not see it now, that act could be the beginning of the end of you.

Never ever (and I say this with a lot of experience) call, text or whatsApp that person no matter how much it hurts. 

Lastly but certainly not least, because this series will continue maybe next week, never attempt to show up at your heartbreaker’s home, place of work or anywhere they might be. That’s just nuts!

What won’t kill you can only make you stronger. Keep your head up and let only your pillow and God know what is going on. Life is beautiful and you will win.