I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and two months now. When we first started having sex, he didn’t really give me the drive that I needed. I hope you understand what I mean. I faked it and I know it’s wrong but I didn’t know what else to do.

Anyway, the faking continued because I did not think we would last.

Eventually, I decided to continue with the relationship. Now that we are serious, I want to know if I should tell him, or maybe show him what I would like without offending him. What should I do? 

Sarah, 25

Don’t dent his ego

To start with, it is very good of you that you have been selfless enough to stroke your boyfriend’s ego for that long. Telling him that you have been ‘faking’ it for that long could undo all that you have been trying to achieve.

If you really like him, you can coach him without necessarily denting his ego. Tell him what you like and how you like it and he will be able to satisfy you.

At times men can be selfish and only geared at pleasing themselves but with a little direction and conversation, they can change their ways.

Don’t give up on him or be too straight forward with him, keep dropping hints and with time he will take it from there.

All the best with that, he should make it up to you.

Collins, 26, is married

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You might be the one with the problem

Well, for starters, you shouldn’t have faked anything because now it’s a bigger problem. You’ve discovered that you have to get out of the lie without revealing that you’ve been lying all along. 

I must say it is going to be hard for the two of you when you let him know. So first, before you throw that stone at him, don’t you think it could be your fault? Sometimes you could be the reason for his lack of performance and you won’t even know it. 

If you check yourself, find out your strengths and maybe talk to him to see what he likes and dislikes, things could get better. 

Let him know how much you love him and want to stay with him even though some things aren’t fine because things can never be perfect.

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship

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Lay it on the table or grab the wheel

Sex without communication is just for one night stands. If you want something serious with this guy or at least have good sex with him, you have to talk to him about it. Tell him what you want, try your best to be understanding and supportive. You can also try to run the game a little more. 

Make him work it in positions that  you like, and if he’s not "down” with this, do things to make him want it .Most people would like a chance to improve, and not just one day to get dumped without a clue as to why it ended. 

I don’t think anyone deserves being treated poorly because of a problem they don’t know exists or don’t know how to fix. Talk to him. You can fix this.

Martin, 29, is single