I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now but lately everything around him is crashing. I tried to explain that things will get better in his life but it just gets worse. His car broke down four months ago, his sister screwed him over and owes him four million, then someone stole his phone and his grandma is in the hospital! That’s just some of the stuff he is going through.

I keep telling him it will be okay but he doesn’t believe me anymore and I wonder what I can do to help him through these hard times.  I’m worried that he doesn’t see the good things he has and the bad things are just dragging him down. What will happen to us if he stays so depressed? What can I do to help him? 

Jessica, 29

He will figure it out

As much as you would like to help your boyfriend, your increased worry and concerns might add to his problems. 

I get you are worried about him but it would be good to give him space to figure out his woes on his own if you can’t provide solutions. If he has monetary issues, if you are not providing solutions let him be. 

We all go through times when we doubt ourselves and our capabilities. We all have those moments when things get ‘thick’ if those around you are not offering solutions, it doesn’t do much.

He sounds like a creative guy, he has made investments before, he will pull through, just give him space and time. And to me it seems like you are more worried on what the strain is doing to your relationship than it is doing to him. It would be good if you sit this one out.

Collins, 26, is married

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Sulking won’t solve anything!

You do realise that you’re asking for advice when the person who needs it is your boyfriend? Obviously, you can’t change someone else’s mood. He is responsible for his emotional state, not you. 

And if anything is to change he has to be the one to get the ball rolling. 

Depression can also come from feeling powerless. 

It seems he feels powerless to put an end to these bad things happening in his life.  For example he doesn’t have the money to fix his car and his sister owes him lots of money! Let him think of other sources of income. 

He can choose to sit on his problems as they pile up or wake up and try to solve some of them. They obviously won’t disappear overnight and you must make him understand that.  Even if he doesn’t listen to you, keep talking to him and let him know that sulking won’t solve his problems!

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship

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Just be there for him

The best thing to do is to be there for him.  Give him all the support he needs. Be willing to listen to him if he needs it. Spend enough time with him and give him some space if he seems a little distant or maybe asks for it. 

Most guys don’t like to talk about their feelings, so don’t pressure him into talking about his problems because that will only agitate him. 

If he wants to talk about it he’ll take the first step. I know it can be difficult to just sit and watch him hurting, but I’m afraid that that’s the only way there is. 

When a man is feeling this way he needs to know that you believe in him and love him. He needs your support so just be there. Your presence and kind attitude will help him tremendously.

Martin, 29, is single