The only thing worse than the sheer agony of running into an ex, is a conductor in ‘twegerane’ rubbing his sweaty armpits all over you from Kimironko to Nyabugogo!

If you know me then you know that I’m not one to get all dolled up. Okay I won’t leave the house looking like I just switched places with the shamber boy but I won’t make a fuss about looking spectacular either. 

Now, misery is when after chopping onions and breaking the eggs, you realise you are out of cooking oil. Double misery is when you go to your local store and find that the guy closed early.

Beyond misery is when you jump on a moto to go to Nakumatt and you bump into your ex and his current ridiculously hot girlfriend with you looking like a disheveled mess to be exact. And divine intervention is when you make the tragic decision to be funny and ask God to make you invisible but God is in the mood to be entertained!  

I would literally rather take a bullet to the face (okay, perhaps look down a gun barrel instead) than have that awkward moment of locking eyes with someone I used to date, sleep with, say good morning to and split appetizers with. And what business does he have finding me in the food aisle anyway? To confirm the cause of just how far I ‘let myself go’ since we broke up?

As if he couldn’t just wave and walk off, the idiot had to stop for a little chat! I watched his girlfriend raise a brow when he introduced me as a girl he once dated and the only thing that sabotaged a summit with my fist and her brow raised face was the fact that I didn’t have enough money in my wallet to pay for damages in the supermarket! 

On those few occasions when I look like an actual human being and I’m hanging with a few good looking fellows, where is he hiding? I don’t even know why it bothered me that much considering he knows what I look like without makeup and it ain’t pretty – for Christ’s sake the guy saw me so many mornings and not once did I hit the shower then get out to find him gone like he was a hallucination. 

So, how would you handle it? Smile, be nice and hope that they are happy? Or toy with the idea of sneaking something into his girlfriend’s half open bag so she can be nabbed for shoplifting? It’s just a thought people. 

I have nothing against bumping into old flames, I just hope that when this happens again, it won’t be on a bad hair day or the time I discover an old sweater (with a few holes I don’t know about) lurking in my closet somewhere!