If you hold on to old hurts, disappointments, petty annoyances, betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing a perceived hurt can eventually make it in to something more–hate and extreme bitterness.Lack of forgiveness can wear you down. Additionally, being unforgiving is not good for either your physical and mental well being.Be openMake a decision to forgive your spouse. When images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind, think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts. Don’t throw an error or mistake back in your spouse’s face at a later date. Don’t use it as ammunition in an argument.Don’t seek revenge or retribution. It will only extend the pain. Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression. Remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone the hurtful behaviour.Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your spouse takes time. Don’t try to hurry the process. If you continue to be unable to forgive, or you find yourself dwelling on the betrayal or hurt, please seek professional counseling to help you let go and forgive.How to ask for forgivenessShow true contrition and remorse for the pain that you’ve caused. Be willing to make a commitment to not hurt your spouse again by repeating the hurtful behaviour. Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt.Be patient with your spouse. Being able to forgive you often takes time. Don’t dismiss your spouse’s feelings of betrayal by telling your spouse to "get over it.” Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has grumpy days. Many people say things they don’t mean now and then.