Hey guys,

Thanks for your continuous advice. I have brothers and have grown up close to them all my life. But they play their girlfriends. This has affected me a lot because now I am convinced that men can’t be faithful. I find it hard to date because the thought of being cheated on worries me yet there is a guy I really like. Help me out guys.

Maria, 25

Not everyone is a cheat

You are right about one thing, what you see often affects your  judgment, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that all situations do turn out the same way.

Your brothers’ choice to cheat shouldn’t give you a reason to shy away from going out with someone you like. At 25, you must have

found out that generalising people is unfair.  What if the guy you are eyeing turns out to be a cheat, will you

choose celibacy? Will you give up on love?  Maria, take risks, get hurt, it is the only way to learn. Consider your ‘cheating’ brothers an advantage since you already know that things may not always turn out as expected. No matter the outcome don’t live in fear that people will cheat on you, if they do, consider it a step to finding the right person for you.

Collins, 26, is married

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There is a good man waiting for you

I understand how you feel and I don’t blame you for that, but one thing you must always keep in mind is that people are different; you aren’t going to judge the billions of males in the world based on your brothers. 

Yes, it affects you but if you like him then give him a chance. Don’t put him in the same bracket with your brothers before seeing what he is like. He could be totally different. 

If he also disappoints you, don’t take it out on men forever. Someone once told me that you can’t love until you get your heart broken. 

Dating is all about chances, if they are wonderful then good for you but if they aren’t then wait and maybe something better will come along. More often than not there is Mr. Right waiting for you. You just have to reach out for him when he comes to you and not clog your mind with false assumptions.

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship

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Have a little faith

Learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult tasks, now that you have another added reason not to trust, I understand and I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do. However, you shouldn’t let your worries and insecurities rob you of one of life’s most valued treasures - love.

Just because your brothers are unfaithful doesn’t mean all guys are like that. Trust starts with you. If you trust yourself, you can generally trust others. Because once you are operating from a place of integrity then trusting yourself becomes integral to you.  

Once you have established trust in yourself there is usually little to fear. Besides, loving someone or falling in love doesn’t mean trusting; trust is earned and built, brick by brick.

If a person is worth it, you will trust them, if they are not, the door is always open. A person who trusts nobody is apt to be the kind nobody trusts.

Martin, 29, is single