Hi guys,

I’ve been dating this girl on and off for three years now. We both know we want to be with each other and she says herself that she has not met anyone like me and I am the person she wants to marry.

However, her previous relationship was quite long and is perhaps the reason she is sluggish with this one. She says it is unfair that she can’t open up to me the way I do with her. She feels like right now, she can’t give me what I want from the relationship.  

What can I say to make her comfortable so we can move forward? I don’t want to lose her by rushing her or anything. 

Mark, 31

Don’t rush her

Count yourself lucky for having such a smart girl who does not rush into relationships just for the sake of being in one. 

Your best bet is to wait for her to be ready, don’t push her. That will confuse her even more.

Keep your arms wide open and be a good friend to her. I believe it would have been worse if she had decided to go ‘forward’ with you as you say, yet constantly harbouring "what if’s” in her mind. 

The best thing to do in this situation is let nature take its course. If you are not happy or even patient enough to wait around for her, then you need to move on. 

But if you love her the way you say that you do, then waiting shouldn’t be a problem. She’ll come around eventually.

Martin, 29, is single

******

Talk about it; let her know you are happy

If your girl says that she can’t give you what you want then she’s being unfair. However, you don’t seem to be that bothered by it. I assume you are comfortable with the way things are right now.

I would say it’s not her job to say whether you are getting what you need. That’s for you to say. My point is, if you are satisfied with what she gives you (even if it isn’t what you give her) then it’s your call to say whether she’s giving you enough or whether the relationship is unbalanced.

In many happy relationships, partners never give equally in all areas. As long as you are both satisfied, you’ll be fine. Relationships fluctuate. Since we are not emotional clones, it is common for one partner to pull more of the weight in one area.

And in long-term relationships, the seesaw will shift back and forth. Let her know that you are happy; that shouldn’t hinder your dreams of being ‘ONE’.

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship

******

Looks like she wants the ring!

Now I’m really going to throw you a slippery ball by telling you that your girl is unconsciously hiding something. What I’m trying to say is there is another explanation behind her sluggish ways.

There is a chance even she doesn’t know why she is being sluggish in this relationship.  I think what is setting her back has something to do with her previous relationship. Maybe she spent so much time in relationship that clearly headed nowhere and she is now uninterested in another one.

You said you’ve been on and off, perhaps the fact that she’s hinted marriage means that is exactly what she’s waiting for and won’t commit fully to the relationship till you pop the question.

She will come up with all sorts of excuses but the way I see it, she is not interested in another ‘long relationship’ – she wants to make it official then she’ll be there 120 per cent!

Lincoln, 32, lives with his girlfriend