Some may look at that title and wonder why I’m such a pessimist but honestly this world is not kind to nice girls.

Over the last few weeks, writers have been giving their opinion on feminist Catherine Newman’s article "I do not want my daughter to be ‘nice’” in the New York Times on July 31. She explains that her daughter is polite, compassionate, ethical but not necessarily nice. She will only smile when she is really happy to see you or laugh when she thinks the joke is funny and remembers to use her "please” and "thank you” with people but do not expect her to smile at the random person who just paid her a compliment.  

The author compares her daughter to herself, and elaborates by saying she has spent a lot of her life smiling and being polite to random people in her life from the barista at the local coffee shop lad to her ex-boyfriend.

She hopes her daughter continues on this path because it will protect her unlike her brother who can be nice all he wants because "...he still has the power and privilege of masculinity on his side…” that will never put him in situations his sister would have to deal with.

This article was of particular interest to me this week since I am dealing with similar situations. Personally, I was like her daughter, polite and kind but not really open to comments from strangers, especially older men. This may be a big generalisation but here it is; some Rwandan men really need to understand comments that come off as harassment.  

Since I started working in Kigali, I have had men in my work place comment on my weight, my looks, my clothes etc, leaving me very uncomfortable, and what do I do? I used to smile and let them be; now I simply give them a blank stare. I know men think they have the right to give their opinion on the different aspects of women but the comments at the workplace need to stop ASAP! 

The other day, I was sitting at my desk and this man from one of the other departments walked in. During this little stopover he complimented my looks but followed it a negative comment about my weight! Like why can’t you just say hi, ask how work is and walk away. My response to all of this was completely ignoring him, which I am pretty good at and I hope it sent a message. This is me being "nice”. 

So 21st century ladies, what do you consider nice? And what will you teach your daughter about being nice?