A customer is king if he is a man, and queen if a woman, so we are told. 

That said, this country’s customer service woes will not end soon for as long as born-again Christians, popularly known as "Savedees” continue to take offence whenever we, the customers, attempt to buy "bad things” from their shops. These bad things could be anything from cigarettes, to booze, or other things we won’t mention here. 

Any one who is into cigarettes will attest to that one time that they eased into a particular retail outlet to make some buys. When you ask for cigarettes from a ‘Savedee’ shop, you will be promptly told that; "We don’t sell cigarettes here.” Usually, the tone is unmistakably condescending, holier-than-thou even. 

When people who don’t sell "bad things” like cigarettes and alcohol because of their religious beliefs tell a misguided buyer off, they almost expect you to feel remorseful and pity for yourself. They will give you this look that seems to say: "Only the dumbest person ever dares look for sin to buy from the shelves of this shop.” 

Most smokers that I know are really okay with this. Perhaps what is not okay is the fact that you have to proceed to back-bite and call them names right in their presence. It just is not good practice in customer service, you know! Can’t you wait 10, 20, 30 seconds before I turn to look for the next shop with Primus or Intore before you get on my back? Why do you have to mobilise a small crowd of like-minded idle people to witness my folly in asking to buy cigarettes from your shop? Just because I asked for a packet of cigarettes from your shop does not necessarily mean I disregard your religious beliefs. Perhaps what it means instead is that I did not have the time, let alone means, to know the nature of your beliefs before picking on your shop. 

Most smokers are generally okay with the moral high-horse climbing and the "Can’t you see that this is a Godly place” attitude you always reserve for them. What they won’t accept though, is to be embarrassed and made to feel generally dumb. 

Currently I’m compiling a fairly detailed list of the shops that welcome me with insults whenever I ask for "immoral” things. Whichever shop disrespects and disses me for asking for what I want, I immediately jot the name down. 

For cases where the insults are mild and tolerable, I may maintain the heart to still buy from you whenever I’m in need of less immoral things –like mandazi and samosa. 

However, those that would have punched me below the belt will be treated to a test of their own medicine. For this last lot, I will recommend more cigarette buyers to your shop to insult.