Hello guys, I have been dating a guy for over a year now and I thought we had a good relationship until I saw my ex boyfriend again. We had dated for three years. I started rethinking my decision about dating.

I then started talking to some other guy but innocently. However, now I find myself lusting over the guy and I don’t know what to do.

I haven’t acted on any of these urges yet but I don’t know how long that will hold out. I don’t know whether to give up my current relationship or to suffer through the feelings that I have now. Please help.

Daphine, 26

You just need to focus

You sound like a child in a mega toy store; you seem to want every toy! The most important thing in life is to know exactly what you want. This helps you to tell the difference between gold and fake gold.

Without knowing exactly what it is that you want, you don’t have any direction. If you knew the kind of person you wanted, making a choice wouldn’t be so hard. To me, you sound like you are not even sure if you are ready to settle. 

I believe what you need now is not a man but to first discover who you are and what you want in this life. Go after whatever it is that you figure is the object of your desire and focus on nothing else. 

You can’t keep living in the confusion that you are already in!

Martin, 29, is single

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You are a complex creature!

Worry not about your feelings, you are human and the fact that you feel lust for more than one man is quite normal. Of course what distinguishes us from animals is the fact that we have a brain and hopefully the capacity to have some self control. In your case, I think there’s an added issue.

It sounds to me like you suffer from what I call the Grass is Greener syndrome. You broke up with your boyfriend of three years because, and I assume, that the relationship wasn’t working for you.

Your ex wasn’t someone you wanted when you had him, but now that you don’t have him he seems to be desirable and makes you doubt your decision to date your current man. Let’s not forget the dude you are lusting on!

Well, I would strongly advise you take your time and think things over because it is clear that the guy you are seeing now isn’t the one you want to be with.

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship

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Stop hopping around!

You really don’t like the guy you are with right now, let’s face it. Unless you just easily lust for any guy, you wouldn’t lust so much for someone when you are with a man who wants to be with you. I presume this is what happened: you broke up with the ex that you dated for three years  and then you went on to the next guy without really getting over your ex. When you saw your ex again, you realised how much you don’t like your current guy. As if that wasn’t enough, you started lusting over some other guy! 

Be honest with your current partner about the way you feel and stop wasting his time! Life is too short to just sit around in relationships that don’t make sense to you.  But should you do that, could you please make sure that you settle this time round?

Lincoln, 32, lives with his girlfriend