The Nigerians call them Okada. In most of East Africa they are referred to as boda bodas. Here in Kigali they are generally called Taxi Motos or simply Motos. I am talking about the infamous two-wheelers that some of us love to hop onto in order to beat the traffic in Kigali.

Actually that is a big lie. Kigali has no real traffic to talk about but you may need the Moto to take you where the commuter buses will not go or stop. The Motos in Kigali are actually not as bad as the ones you find in Kampala for instance. It is commendable that they adhere to the rule requiring both the rider and the passenger to wear a helmet. 

Nevertheless there are some Taxi Moto characters that can ruin a good day. These rotten apples make you feel like throwing away the whole basket and just walking to your destination. Yes I have been a victim of some of these people and here are the cases that piss me off the most. 

In the first place many Taxi Moto chaps are known to be suicidal. These guys are addicted to speed and love to spice this with over taking at dangerous spots not forgetting their new hobby of waltzing among vehicles when there is a traffic snarl-up. 

Taxi Motos do not care about the colour of traffic lights; they will speed off seconds before the other motorists. I am not sure whether this is a deliberate move to present themselves as fast thinkers or something but it is actually a dumb thing to do. 

I also have a huge dislike for the ones with dirty jackets and dirty helmets. I met one with a helmet so dirty I assumed he was doing some kind of research on the resilience of his passengers so I chose not to be his guinea pig. 

On the extreme end you have the ones who decorate their bikes so extravagantly that you feel like you are hopping onto a mobile Christmas tree. At night you see them speeding away with a bike full of decorative lights and a loud improvised radio. These ones never get to see my money too. 

Taxi Moto guys have this annoying habit of always not having enough fuel. The rush to win a customer and then midway in the journey the joker runs out of fuel. Then they do that stupid ritual of tilting the bike to the side as you stand there like a fool with a helmet on your head like a confused wannabe astronaut. 

I also think people need to think seriously about the professions they choose after looking at themselves in a mirror. This is not an attack on fat people but honestly I really hate fat Taxi Moto guys. I am talking about the ones who occupy two thirds of your seat but still expect you to pay the full price. What kind of nonsense is this? 

And, lastly, someone needs to tell these chaps that their job is to transport people from one point to another not to kick start boring conversations. Listen, I do not care much about what is happening in D.R Congo or why Arsenal is not buying a striker. And even if I did, I do not think I would consider you a point of reference so be quiet and stick to your job.