Arsene Wenger is a real joke

Once in a lifetime, all spheres of life are graced with individuals who will forever remain unforgettable for their remarkably good, bad or comical deeds.

Saturday, July 27, 2013
Ivan Mugisha

Once in a lifetime, all spheres of life are graced with individuals who will forever remain unforgettable for their remarkably good, bad or comical deeds.Science has the great Albert Einstein, religion has its own Jesus Christ, politics has Adolph Hitler and football has uhmm… Arsene Wenger.This man Wenger has evolved football by giving both lovers and loathers extreme measures of happiness. To the Gunners he presented The Invincible season of 2005 and to the haters, he gave a decade-long trophy drought.Now the Frenchman has outdone himself by creating a splendid and comical look at the player transfer period.In his entire time at Arsenal, Wenger has never been the type of manager to splash record transfer funds to purchase the services of a particular player. He preferred to groom both great and average players in the hope that he would sell the best to make profit, while using the average to maintain the club’s position in the top four of the English Premier League.Of course fans are inpatient, so his idea was received with a backlash. He, alongside the Arsenal board, were harshly tasked to spend money and compete against the top sides in the premier league, as well as fight for the much coveted Champions League trophy.Wenger derailed. He told the fans that spending too much is unwise – but the statistics didn’t back him. So he told the fans that Arsenal had finally broken even. That finally, the club had enough money to splash.The fans got ecstatic and the haters got worried. But for the neutral viewers like me (obviously), we knew there was something more to Wenger’s claims than meets the eye – especially when he started vying for players who in their right senses wouldn’t join the Gunners.In a record breaking joke, Wenger put in a bid of £30 million for Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney. The money was thrown back even before it reached the gates of Manchester. However, this was expected and it would even be a greater joke, if Wenger didn’t know that United would reject it.Then the funniest was when Wenger bid £40,000,001 for Liverpool striker Luis Suarez. Apparently, the "one” digit at the end was to trigger a buyout clause. Liverpool rejected the offer but gave Wenger the rights to speak to the player.Rumor has it that Wenger actually talked to Suarez, but what he told him is news that some Gunners would commit suicide over.He told Suarez that he actually didn’t have the money to purchase him and that all he wanted was to show the Arsenal faithful that he was serious about getting real quality players. Seriously!Meanwhile, as Wenger was flossing about with the impossible transfers of Rooney and Suarez, he missed out on a real potential target – Gonzalo Higuain from Real Madrid.Just as the transfer window had been opened two months ago, one of the first players reported to be on the move was Higuan. It was just a matter of signatures here and there for Arsenal to sign this profound addition to the deadly duo of Jack Wilshere and Lucas Podolski.As we speak now, Higuan is not a Gunner but the latest acquisition of lowly Italian side Napoli. Chance gone.Well, truthfully, there aren’t that many good players willing to move right now, meaning that, Arsenal could remain the mediocre team it has been for the last couple of years.For the Gunners pride, Wenger must start delivering on his promise and treat the transfer window with respect. To the neutrals however, we cannot live without such a man who gives us timeless antics to ponder about.