Hey guys,

Two years ago my mom passed away. It was not a good time in my life but I met a wonderful guy and he made me feel better. The first three months were good. Then we started fighting and I caught him cheating on me. I forgave him.

After sometime I caught him cheating again but this time in a text message, telling a girl he wanted to kiss her. We fought and then ended the relationship. Months later, he came back and we gave the relationship another go. It didn’t last long as he was up to his old tricks again. Of late, he has been begging me to take him back, but I just keep saying no although I still love him.  

His mom called me and said he had  changed. We are getting close again and I enjoy it, but I am not in it fully. My friends and family think I’m a fool but I’m really confused. What should I do? 

Patricia, 25

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If you’re an option, make him history

I’m just wondering what took you so long to realise that you deserve better than this. If you love him like you say you do and he shows his appreciation by cheating on you, then it’s time to move on and find someone who will appreciate your love and treat you like the princess that you are.

Remember, moving on isn’t about not loving someone anymore and forgetting them. It’s about having the strength to say I still love you, but you’re not worth this pain. Knowing when it is over is the beginning of a new life and the end of an old one! 

Relationships like the one you are having are like glass, it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put the pieces back together. When you finally manage to end this relationship and move on, don’t let it keep you from living your life to the fullest.

Martin, 29, is single

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Follow your gut

I understand why you are distrustful. Nobody, not even your family, should tell you what to do. What I can do is help you clarify a few things. 

First, let’s start with how you’re feeling right now. You said you are not in it. Your feeling of detachment is actually a defense mechanism that your mind is using to protect you from further heartache. They say, once beaten, twice shy, but even after more than one beating you still aren’t shying away. And as for his mum, who wouldn’t lie for their son? It sounds like a hoax to me. 

Every time he talked of changing, he didn’t.  You gave him more than one chance and it made no difference. Let the guy go. I know it is very hard to let go of someone you really love but my dear, life is short. Give yourself the chance to be happy. Sure, some people change, but this one isn’t one of them.

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship

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Dig deeper into the matter

When you make this consideration with a rational eye, it should be clear if he has indeed grown up and left his player phase. Don’t forget that the male brain isn’t fully developed until the mid-twenties.

One symptom of this lack of development is his confusion and a lack of readiness to settle down with one woman. But keep in mind that cheating can be in a person’s blood. For example, if one of his parents cheated on the other, then there is a chance that he will follow suit. Do you know if your boyfriend grew up with an unfaithful parent? 

Make your own observations and if need be, get more information from him regarding his past relationships. With more in information on him, it should be clearer on how to proceed. Listen to that tiny voice within and play safe until you are confident that he has changed. 

Lincoln, 32, lives with his girlfriend