One of the most daunting tasks in a relationship is appeasing your partner. When your partner is in war mood and you are supposed to appease her, it’s like feeding a starved lion and hoping that it won’t turn on you.

In fact, many people who try this game of appeasement end getting PhD (Permanent Head Damage). I believe that’s the ceiling at which UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon has hit while he was posturing around with Congolese and pampering them with a brigade. It just never works.Ban has been trying to test the depth of the river with both feet. Now he needs divers to rescue him, lest he drowns. That lake called DR Congo is not a joking subject. You can’t fly all the way from New York and start pampering rogue elements by even calling them sweet names like Congolians. He gave them the so-called Intervention Brigade that has now turned into a tray of rotten eggs in the face.A rogue is a rogue, just as a lion will always be a predator. So how should we deal with our partners when they are fighting us?Our neighbours are always the first to be alerted to any amiss in our families. They know that a blister in our homes can cause infections in theirs, so they are always willing to help. When they offer this help, especially to the level of setting up a dais in a capital city somewhere to enable us effectively iron out our differences, it is not healthy for someone who has been enjoying three-course meals to just pop in and offer your partner, who is by now throwing pans, cutlery and flower vases at anything that crosses her path.No, that’s not fun at all. Let the due process take its course. Calling her Congolian will soothe her for a few minutes. Then giving her an intervention brigade will inflate her pride. Thereafter, the ghost in her will rear its claws and she will begin to yearn for blood and other gory deeds. That’s why we are getting disturbing images of soldiers believed to be from FARDC, the Congolese national army, and their FDLR cohorts engaged in gory rituals with corpses of fallen enemies or supposed fallen enemies.These realities have been harsh and hard-hitting, leaving Ban reeling. I’m sure that if he flies to Kinshasa again, he won’t be calling those guys Congolians; he has been forced to learn to pronounce words the hard way. You don’t need that permanent head damage degree to awaken you to reality, you need to do your preps early. When her mood is proving too lethal, take a break, don’t fight back. A walk away from her for a while will calm her down. With nothing to nag or shout at, she is not going to turn against her own shadow—though with some of our spouses, we can’t really rule this out.Unless you are sure that your partner is the kind who can fight her own shadow, do not try too hard to appease her. They will take you for granted. They will bite the same hand offering them hankies to wipe their tears, berries to soothe their throats or caressing to give them warmth. The option to withdraw is cowardly, yes, but it is also one whose magical effect is not in dispute. Remember, an angry person becomes angrier when the subject of their anger is in their midst, and they tend to relax when we give them space. In all your deeds, avoid playing into the Ban trap of Congolians with a UN Intervention Brigade.jaydryn.wordpress.comTwitter: @JacobSeaman