It is not uncommon to hear stories of fathers who are jealous of their sons or even mothers jealous of the relationship their daughters have with the father. I just cannot help wondering where this jealousy comes from; is it healthy or normal? Can it be prevented with a little consideration perhaps?

The more I think about it, the more it winds me up. For example, I just cannot imagine my own father being jealous of me or even why I would ever be jealous of my own child. But apparently it is not uncommon and I hope I never have to feel that way myself!

All of these wonderings have made me want to pay more attention to this dilemma. Unfortunately it can happen - and it is all too common. More of the fathers I know have admitted to it and mostly, it boils down to the attention the child gets from the mother. Naturally the father often feels left out especially since they too have been waiting for the new arrival just as eagerly.

While talking to a dear male friend, he reminded me that the fathers suffer emotionally when children arrive, often far more than the mothers realise. The new mother pours so much time and attention into the new bundle in her arms that is almost always at her breast that the father ends up feeling ignored and left out. I ask another if this is so and he nods furiously. He loves his wife madly and will never stray. 

Analysing such scenarios has reminded me that the exchange of emotions is a two-way street; it should be give and take. I realise that as a family, we must remember to constantly give to each other. No one is so much of a man (or woman) that he can do without affection or consideration. I know it may be close to impossible to always offer your spouse the same free-flowing affection and attention that we give and show our children but trying is worth the effort. 

We learn to love anew when we have children. The emotions are often overwhelming and we must relearn to control ourselves. Many times, especially in the early days, it is difficult to strike the right balance. I have discovered that the way a man loves a woman or even how a woman loves a man is not the same as the way we love our children.

They should not be the same and we really shouldn’t compare the two. I have grown to realise that parental love is different. It is selfless and unconditional. It seems to me that it is less about passion and more about bonding, or others might say blood. Parental love can teach us to have a purer love, one that is unassuming.

Suddenly, the jealousies begin to make sense to me: If parental love is so pure and beautiful, isn’t it only right to share it with the other parent who in essence helped this beautiful miracle happen? Parents who are jealous of their children may be sad and petty but also human. Would you not be jealous if the two people you held so dear seemed to have their own circle that left you out?