Hello guys, 

My ex and I kept in contact after the break-up and still hangout from time to time. We were together for nearly 4 years and were best friends and it just didn’t make sense not to stay in contact. He broke up with me some months back and now he wants to work things out with me. There was a lot of drama in our relationship and I wouldn’t want that again.

This was mainly to do with his insecurity/expectations and failure to be the girlfriend he wanted me to be. Well now I like another guy and things seem to be pretty nice for us. Though I’m still close with my ex and his asking me back, to be honest I still like him but I want this other guy. I’m confused, what should I do? 

Priscilla, 28

You can’t have your cake and eat it

Some persons are very decisive when it comes to avoiding decisions. When faced with two equally tough choices, they choose the third choice: ‘to not choose.’ Don’t be like them. Truth is, many people will advise you, but at the end of the day, it’s up to you to either stay in the boat or jump.

In this case my advice to you is to trust your instincts, and make decision based on what your heart tells you. Successful decision-making relies on a balance between deliberate and instinctive thinking. Your heart will not betray you.

You said you still love your ex, but you also want the new guy, well, dear the world does not operate that. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You know where you’ve been. As about where you want to go, you can't make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.

Follow your heart and remember to not settle for anything less than what you really want.

Martin, 29, is single

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Take some time off for yourself 

Dear Priscilla, 

That is some mess you got yourself into. If things are that serious between you and that other man, and you think he might be the one, my suggestion is to tell your ex about it. Just be honest with him.

Sometimes finding out that someone was doing things behind our back hurts more than what the person actually did. Since you are good friends, which I take to mean you really care about him, just leaving him in the dark to figure our things himself wouldn’t be a great idea. 

And if you are not yet sure about who you really want to be with here is my advice. You need some kind of break/space to figure out what it is you really want. The reason I say this is because you seem to have moved from one relationship to another without time in between to just be on your own. 

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship

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Let your ex go

Dear Priscilla, 

It’s great to know that things are working out with the new guy but if you want things to remain that way, then you should let your ex go. It’s obvious that the new guy won’t be ok with the kind of relationship you have with your ex. If you think things will work out great, then let the past go and focus on the future. 

On the other hand, if you still have feelings for your ex, I strongly advise that you take some time and think about who makes you happy. Things could be looking great with the new guy but if you still have your ex at the back of your mind, it’s totally unfair to the new guy and to yourself because you won’t be as happy in such a situation. 

Calvin, 27 and engaged